top of page
.png){kind=small}
Quotes by Comedian
"When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family?"
36
"If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all."
36
"When a man comes to me for advice, I find out the kind of advice he wants, and I give it to him."
36
"I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book."
36
"If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck."
36
"Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name."
36
"What Democrats call 'nuanced,' most people refer to as 'stupidity.'"
36
"About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment."
36
"Everybody always asks about Jimmy Fallon. I'm sorry to say that he's very nice and there's not much bad to say about him. I don't know if he sucks at videogames or not. I don't think he plays them, but he could have this whole secret life I don't know about."
Life,
36
"I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine."
36
"Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing."
36
"I would return to the Blackadder character if the opportunity came up. I have no qualms about that at all."
36
"When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us, we're schizophrenic."
36
"What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do."
36
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet."
36
"It was a decision to work clean. I just prefer to work that way. I have no problem with comedians who don't work that way. There was a temptation in the early '70s to reconsider. I decided against it."
36
"I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio."
36
"It's official, Arnold said he will enter the race for governor. At least that's what everybody thinks he said."
36
"My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself."
36
"It would be ridiculous for me to say anything negative regarding blacks having an equal opportunity on TV."
36
"My father is a Jehovah's Witness, and he raised us under a very strict hand."
36
"An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission."
36
"The only spoof I think is the title, which was just we thought of very early on and it kind of stuck."
36
"A friend of mine said, no matter what I do I always look like an English teacher. She actually said, you still look like a Campbell's Soup kid."
36
"But what is all this fear of and opposition to Oblivion? What is the matter with the soft Darkness, the Dreamless Sleep?"
36
"I think people are as individual as snowflakes, they kinda look alike but no two are the exactly the same, and all classification is the root of prejudice."
36
"If a man should happen to reach perfection in this world, he would have to die immediately to enjoy himself."
36
bottom of page