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"We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture."
Gay
"When the media ask George W. Bush a question, he answers, 'Can I use a lifeline?'"
Answers
"We have a president for whom English is a second language. He's like 'We have to get rid of dictators,' but he's pretty much one himself."
Dictatorship
"If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days."
Woman
"Cricket is basically baseball on valium."
Baseball
"The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, 'Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and yelling, 'You want a piece of me?'"
Baseball
"Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose."
Fight
"We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins."
Years
"I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was... a large Arctic region covered with ice."
Country
"What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong."
Right
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"I used to think drinking was the only way to be happy. Now I know there is no way to be happy."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I haven't been drinking for years now. Something's got to give. I don't mind that I'm a guy that's stopped drinking, though this interview is making me mighty thirsty."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The beard is here because I got tired of shaving and Grissom, subsequently, got tired of shaving. Grissom, like any other 50-year-old man, is going through a series of mid-life changes. Who knows, he may start drinking."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I admit to drinking it, but I did not swallow."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I dare not drink before a gig because I'll get tired and blow it. So I have to sit drinking tea in a caravan."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Now tequila may be the favored beverage of outlaws but that doesn't mean it gives them preferential treatment. In fact, tequila probably has betrayed as many outlaws as has the central nervous system and dissatisfied wives. Tequila, scorpion honey, harsh dew of the doglands, essence of Aztec, crema de cacti; tequila, oily and thermal like the sun in solution; tequila, liquid geometry of passion; Tequila, the buzzard god who copulates in midair with the ascending souls of dying virgins; tequila, firebug in the house of good taste; O tequila, savage water of sorcery, what confusion and mischief your sly, rebellious drops do generate!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"The piano has been drinking, not me."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The last two years with the Eagles were pretty intense times. There was a lot of drinking and we were all getting high a lot. My parents were relieved when I got off the Eagles treadmill."
Author Name
Personal Development
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