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"In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first."
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"But somehow, I felt no inclination to be interested in it in any amateur way, let alone professional, until suddenly I became interested. And the first thing I did was to compose: not play an instrument, but to compose."

"The first 20 stories written about a public figure set the tone for the next 2,000 and it is almost impossible to reverse it."

"And the things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those that got there first."

"First of all, I'm not the kind of guy that likes to rehash the show and so forth and so on."

"And no again: My studio is not a first or any step toward becoming any type of businessman on my part."
Explore more quotes by George Carlin

"I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better."

"You're just another american who is willfully ignorant of the big red, white and blue dick being shoved up your asshole every day... The owners of this country know the truth... it's called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it!"

"No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee; I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to."

"I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect."

"He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly."

"I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood."

"The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done."

"I'm not a person who thinks they can have it all, but I certainly feel that with a bit of effort and guile I should be able to have more than my fair share."
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