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"In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first."
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"Like all bands, the first two albums are always the ones most written about, and the most covered. When a band gets to their third of fourth album, the story of the band has already been told."

"If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe."

"When I die, if the word 'thong' appears in the first or second sentence of my obituary, I've screwed up."

"First of all, you needed a budget to do the video. The record companies would pick and choose who got videos."

"It's not all that different with the orchestra. There are orchestras that seem to be encased in dough, so that first you have to break through the normal routine, and clear out the openings."

"Well, I think that it is complicated in that the first four albums were all with Universal so they have the rights to that and therefore it is a lot easier for them to do that period."

"The composition of a single melody is born out of a bit of text, perhaps the first line, but it can also be the entire strophe; it can even be the poem's overall form."

"I first wanted to be an actress after seeing a play - not a movie."
Explore more quotes by George Carlin

"Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money."

"Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?"

"The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions."

"As it stands right now, I lead Richard Pryor in heart attacks, two to one. However, Richard still leads me, one to nothing, in burning yourself up."

"I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it."

"I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect."
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