"I did movie star impressions as a kid in high school. Somehow they just got out of hand."

"I am a quick study - I can memorize a script in an hour - but I can't remember a name three seconds. I've even forgotten my wife's name on occasion."

"I was married awfully young and I felt trapped. My wife had been divorced and all the time we were married we were out of the Church. It wasn't until we were divorced that we became good Catholics again."

"Sometimes I wonder how I got into comedy at all."

"I like getting married, but I don't like being married."

"It was a special show that became a cult classic of sorts, and I made a lot of money for it."

"I've been paying alimony since I was 14 and child support since 15. That's a joke, but not by much."