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Quotes by Comedian
"I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill."
37
"If I've been here a long time, I think: I must go to London and speak to someone or see a bus."
37
"I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next to me is Dean Martin."
37
"I am presently in my thirteenth year of teaching a graduate course at the University of Southern California."
37
"Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife."
37
"We never could have performed live for an hour and a half every week if we were doing drugs."
37
"Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it."
37
"I remember saying in college that I would never do commercials."
37
"I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves."
37
"I remember interviewing someone I actually felt bad for, and therefore didn't want to take an ironic stance against him. It actually turned out to be a really funny piece."
37
"Sometimes I wondered whether I hadn't let my career get confined to one direction, but lately I've decided to accept the fact that I have this opportunity to be successful doing comedies."
37
"No, I love Montreal... I think I love Montreal more than Montreal loves me... I love the food there."
37
"I didn't like the nervous tension of being a public person."
37
"The thing that interests me least about the radio business is the radio business. But I've had to learn a little bit about it. It's not rocket science: You get ratings, that's good."
37
"Well, I'm not afraid to say something if I think it's funny, even if it's harsh or racist."
37
"The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself, but in so doing, he identifies himself with people - that is, people everywhere, not for the purpose of taking them apart, but simply revealing their true nature."
37
"The old days were the old days. And they were great days. But now is now."
37
"If you're a sports fan you realize that when you meet somebody, like a girlfriend, they kind of have to root for your team. They don't have a choice."
37
"Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport."
37
"But seriously, I think overall in the scheme of things winning an Emmy is not important. Let's get our priorities straight. I think we all know what's really important in life - winning an Oscar."
37
"I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?"
37
"I am the the type to have a personal experience with a celebrity, but I'm too classy to bring that up."
37
"There are very few solid family films. A lot of the writing is awful."
37
"That's the trouble with being me. At this point, nobody gives a damn what my problem is. I could literally have a tumor on the side of my head and they'd be like, 'Yeah, big deal. I'd eat a tumor every morning for the kinda money you're pulling down.'"
37
"I mean, yeah, I'm sure that Python and the other things have paved the way for a greater understanding of the British sense of humor, but I don't think it's all that different than the American sense of humor."
37
"I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive."
37
"The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery."
37
"It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he's telling them all different things."
37
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