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"I can say whatever I want. So do not bring the kids. It's definitely rated R."
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"A lot of stars don't have a sense of humor."
Humor
"If you see me on Friday, you'll see different material on Saturday night."
Night
"The thing that bums me out about 'The Real World' is I don't want to believe that teenagers are that stupid."
Teenager
"I love Mariah Carey. Remember the breakdown? I loved the breakdown."
Love
"My act has always reflected what's going on in my life."
Life
"I am in love with Larry David."
Love
"So yes, I say things I regret constantly, and I just can't help it."
Help
"Well, my whole thing with gossip is I couldn't care less if it's true."
Care
"I hate it, it is tedious... when I write for my act, it is very improvisational, I write bullet points, I cannot sit in front of a computer; that is not my style."
Act
"The beauty about the D-list is that people who are on it probably don't know they are."
Beauty
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"If you want your writing to be taken seriously, don't marry and have kids, and above all, don't die. But if you have to die, commit suicide. They approve of that."
Author Name
Personal Development
"If I don't see my kids for six days, I start to get withdrawal pains."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The Twilight Zone' wasn't around with the kids. They think going up in space is neat. Within their lifetime, there will be paying passengers on the shuttle."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I've had lots of kids come up and ask for my autograph, I've had a grandmother stop me and ask me if I know a good place to buy underwear."
Author Name
Personal Development
"We were taught manners and we had to do our chores - Katie and I grew up as normal kids."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I have an almost seven year old... I think it's essential to be consistent with kids. And truthful, without scaring them. I could go on for hours on this one."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I always felt I was living in two worlds. One was the Mexican world, because nearly everybody I knew, relatives and cousins and kids in the neighbourhood, were Mexican. Then school was a different world. It was ethnically mixed."
Author Name
Personal Development
"We still want to idealize moms, and sometimes we want to idealize actresses who are moms, too. I know that's something I've experienced, but we're all just doing the best we can and we're all trying to raise our kids and talk to them about everything that needs to be discussed."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Adopted kids are such a pain - you have to teach them how to look like you."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I advise all the young kids to not overwork. You can't be out there blowing hard. You have to pace yourself."
Author Name
Personal Development
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