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Mitch Hedberg

"I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too."

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"I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too."

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Donna Grant

"I don't intend for this to take on a political tone. I'm just here for the drugs."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"Many kids can tell you about drugs but do not know what celery or courgettes taste like."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"They couldn't do a drugs story on me because I'd already done one on myself."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"And as far as I'm concerned, it's like I say, drugs are not the problem. Other stuff is the problem."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"I've never taken drugs. My drug, I suppose, is drink. I never drink before I sing, but I do make up for it when I come off!"

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"Drugs shouldn't be used for recreation although they can be, but ultimately the point of psychedelics is to put you in touch with the powers of the universe."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"There are now more teens going into treatment for marijuana dependency than for all other drugs combined."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"I don't drink. I don't do drugs."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"I think hard drugs are disgusting. But I must say, I think marijuana is pretty lightweight."

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Donna Grant

"I'm very fond of drugs."

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Mitch Hedberg
"Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!"

Wrong

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Mitch Hedberg
"It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky."

People

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Mitch Hedberg
"I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality."

Work

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Mitch Hedberg
"Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!"

Children

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Mitch Hedberg
"I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific."

Night

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Mitch Hedberg
"I'd like to get four people who do cart wheels very good, and make a cart."

People

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Mitch Hedberg
"I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle."

Love

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Mitch Hedberg
"I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit."

Business

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Mitch Hedberg
"I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs."

Soccer

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Mitch Hedberg
"I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down."

Cause

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