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Mitch Hedberg

"I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too."

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"I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too."

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Donna Grant

"I don't intend for this to take on a political tone. I'm just here for the drugs."

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Donna Grant

"Many kids can tell you about drugs but do not know what celery or courgettes taste like."

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Donna Grant

"They couldn't do a drugs story on me because I'd already done one on myself."

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Donna Grant

"I've never taken drugs. My drug, I suppose, is drink. I never drink before I sing, but I do make up for it when I come off!"

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Donna Grant

"Drugs shouldn't be used for recreation although they can be, but ultimately the point of psychedelics is to put you in touch with the powers of the universe."

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Donna Grant

"There are now more teens going into treatment for marijuana dependency than for all other drugs combined."

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Donna Grant

"I don't drink. I don't do drugs."

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Donna Grant

"It gives us a look into a world that's very much like 'Traffic' was for drugs, this movie is for gun running. Dark at times, but I think Nic Cage is an incredible person to watch and very entertaining."

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Donna Grant

"I couldn't say no to jobs and I couldn't say no to drugs. I'd get high from a movie, I'd be somebody else because I didn't particularly like me, so long as I had a script in my hand, I was okay. As soon as the movie was over, I didn't know what to do."

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Donna Grant

"I was very laced with drugs myself, but Fred seemed to be even more so than me. That might have had something to do with it. That might have had something to do with nobody wanting to play my records, too, I don't know."

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Mitch Hedberg
"I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality."
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Mitch Hedberg
"Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!"
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Mitch Hedberg
"I'd like to get four people who do cart wheels very good, and make a cart."
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Mitch Hedberg
"I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle."
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"I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down."
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Mitch Hedberg
"Dogs are forever in the push up postion."
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Mitch Hedberg
"I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life."
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Mitch Hedberg
"All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me."
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Mitch Hedberg
"I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late."
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Mitch Hedberg
"My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.'"
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