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"I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too."
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"I don't intend for this to take on a political tone. I'm just here for the drugs."

"They couldn't do a drugs story on me because I'd already done one on myself."

"I've never taken drugs. My drug, I suppose, is drink. I never drink before I sing, but I do make up for it when I come off!"

"Drugs shouldn't be used for recreation although they can be, but ultimately the point of psychedelics is to put you in touch with the powers of the universe."

"I couldn't say no to jobs and I couldn't say no to drugs. I'd get high from a movie, I'd be somebody else because I didn't particularly like me, so long as I had a script in my hand, I was okay. As soon as the movie was over, I didn't know what to do."

"I was very laced with drugs myself, but Fred seemed to be even more so than me. That might have had something to do with it. That might have had something to do with nobody wanting to play my records, too, I don't know."
Explore more quotes by Mitch Hedberg

"I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality."

"I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late."

"My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.'"
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