"Comedy is exaggerated realism. It can be stretched to the almost ludicrous, but it must always be believable."

"My kitchen is not a place to live in. I made it white so I can tell instantly if it's not clean-and I like it clean enough to be able to eat off the floors-or the tables, for that matter."

"Food was a constant topic of conversation in our household."

"A room is like a stage. If you see it without lighting, it can be the coldest place in the world."

"I laughed all the way through Love Story."

"When I said I didn't have a cent, I didn't. I used to get annoyed with people who said they were broke when they had five dollars."

"My dad was a ham, too. He could sell those women anything. Of all his sons, I was the only one he could trust to sell as well as he could. I was proud of that."

"Someday I'm going to go onstage in a dress if I want to."

"I don't know who the hell Paul Lynde is, or why he's funny, and I prefer it to be a mystery to me."

"If I ever completely lost my nervousness I would be frightened half to death."

"The doctor's name was Sylvia. I told her she'd have a problem with me because Sylvia was my mother's name."

"Learning lines is on my mind until I do know them. I'll read the paper or paint the house to keep from starting to memorize. I've never found an easy way."

"I have this beautiful antique silver wine decanter that I bought at an auction. I always pour wine from that."

"It was the worst moment of my life. The producer came up and talked me back into going on stage."

"My father was adamant in his disapproval of my interest in show business."

"Mothers don't want to pinch me or put me in their purse."

"My table seats eight, so that's my maximum. Having a small number of guests is the only way to generate good conversation. Besides, your whole house doesn't get wrecked that way."

"A closet full of wire hangers can be the most dangerous place in the world."

"The whole romantic part of my life was a wipeout. I didn't even own a belt."

"The dining room in my old house was truly magnificent, but by far the worst room for conversation. I'd get up from the table, a very long table, and somebody would always say, Paul, I never got to talk to you."

"I think basically an actor is a salesman."

"My sisters said, Why do you make those faces? You make yourself so ugly."

"An actor shouldn't undergo psychoanalysis, because there are a lot of things you're better off not knowing."

"If I hadn't become a celebrity, I'd probably be an alcoholic."

"I may find something that looks interesting and then go on to alter the recipe by adding spices, things of my own. I also look for time-saving recipes, dishes that can be prepared ahead and stored."

"I feel now it's useless to keep hoping. The way things are today, we live in a world that needs laughter, and I've decided if I can make people laugh, I'm making a more important contribution."

"I was obsessed with being rich and famous."

"Politicians... talk in generalities and lies, and I think they've caused all our grief. They're so awful, they're really funny. I hate thinking this because my dad loved politics."

"I often go on a liquid fast a couple of days a week. I never take just water. Instead, I'll have maybe six glasses of vegetable and fruit juices a day."

"I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church."

"I don't understand why people don't remember my name."