"Political promises are much like marriage vows. They are made at the beginning of the relationship between candidate and voter, but are quickly forgotten."

"I wouldn't mind paying taxes - if I knew they were going to a friendly country."

"I am really enjoying the new Martin Luther King Jr stamp - just think about all those white bigots, licking the backside of a black man."

"In most places in the country, voting is looked upon as a right and a duty, but in Chicago it's a sport."

"I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark."

"Riches do not delight us so much with their possession, as torment us with their loss."

"You know why Madison Avenue advertising has never done well in Harlem? We're the only ones who know what it means to be Brand X."

"We used to root for the Indians against the cavalry, because we didn't think it was fair in the history books that when the cavalry won it was a great victory, and when the Indians won it was a massacre."

"We thought I was going to be a great athlete, and we were wrong, and I thought I was going to be a great entertainer, and that wasn't it either. I'm going to be an American Citizen. First class."

"In America, with all of its evils and faults, you can still reach through the forest and see the sun. But we don't know yet whether that sun is rising or setting for our country."

"If they took all the drugs, nicotine, alcohol and caffeine off the market for six days, they'd have to bring out the tanks to control you."

"When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me 85 dollars. That is why in the Navy the Captain goes down with the ship."

"Hell hath no fury like a liberal scorned."

"And we love to dance, especially that new one called the Civil War Twist. The Northern part of you stands still while the Southern part tries to secede."

"When you have a good mother and no father, God kind of sits in. It's not enough, but it helps."

"If it wasn't for Abe Lincoln, I'd still be on the open market."

"Just being a Negro doesn't qualify you to understand the race situation any more than being sick makes you an expert on medicine."

"I never learned hate at home, or shame. I had to go to school for that."