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Quotes by Comedian
"I can remember when I was a baby and my mother was there watching the show. I went and bought 100 episodes and watched them. I respect it so much that the sitcom itself and Ed Norton; I'm not playing Ed Norton but my version of it, cause I'm a black man."
50
"It's the poignancy and sadness in things that gets to me."
50
"The pressures having grown up in this business can be really rough. And it is a testament to you that you have remained focused and NOT lost your mind."
50
"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."
50
"I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it."
50
"When you encounter seemingly good advice that contradicts other seemingly good advice, ignore them both."
50
"Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason."
50
"Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink."
50
"Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman. It's something I only get to do when Billy Crystal is out of town."
49
"Death can really absorb a person. Lik most people, I would find it pleasant not to have to go, but you just accept that it's more or less inevitable."
49
"If you become president, you're guaranteed to develop some nervous habit."
49
"People may say that what I do is very clever, but it's not really at all. It's not Swift."
49
"Suddenly you're like a pirate, you're 65 years old and you've got an earring."
49
"I am just fascinated by this reassurance from a menacing figure. It is rather frightening."
49
"Very quickly after meeting Dustin, the whole image I had of him was shattered."
49
"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait."
49
"British politics is more nuanced. Part of the problem with New Labour is that they are a moving target."
49
"The moment that I realized my name was going to be said in the same sentence as children and sex, that's really intense. That's something I knew from that very moment, whatever happens past that point, something's out there in the air that is really bad."
49
"My whole family is lactose intolerant and when we take pictures we can't say cheese."
49
"I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time."
49
"Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up."
Time,
49
"I'm in show business... I want to hang out with Janet Jackson, not Jesse Jackson."
49
"Shamelessness is a wonderful part of the character."
49
"I don't devalue comedy as compared to drama. Not one bit."
49
"Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?"
49
"Look, I don't want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you're alive you've got to flap your arms and legs, you've got to jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore you must at very least think noisy and colorfully, or you're not alive."
49
"The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it."
49
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