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David Letterman

"It's so warm now, and Thanksgiving came so early - is it just me, or does it not really feel like Ramadan?"

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"It's so warm now, and Thanksgiving came so early - is it just me, or does it not really feel like Ramadan?"

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Donna Grant

"If you have tears, prepare to shed them now."

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"Do not postpone your problems, solve them now! Because tomorrow you might be weaker than today and there might arise additional problems! Unsheathe your sword now; forget tomorrow, time is now!"

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Donna Grant

"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing."

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"If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative."

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"It will be a difficult couple of days. It's difficult now and it will be difficult tomorrow."

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Donna Grant

"So now what happens is the cameras follow me around and capture exactly what I've been doing since I was a boy. Only now we have a team of, you know, like 73 of us, and it's gone beyond that."

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Donna Grant

"You go out with a girl you used to date, she looks so damn good, and then at a certain point you say, Boy, now I remember. I know why I left!"

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Donna Grant

"I'll tell you what 20 years teaches you - is that if one thing doesn't last something else will come down the pipe and to go from that and to do these films now."

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Donna Grant

"There are enough no smoking places now."

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Donna Grant

"And maybe I'm a little smarter now than I was before for all the stupid things I've done."

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"Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have a nuclear bomb. Now the good news is that they have to drop it with a camel."
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"Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger."
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"The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He's dead, then he's alive, then dead, then alive. It's just confusing. Today they showed videotape, and Saddam was speaking at his own funeral."
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"Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees."
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"No one knows if Saddam is still alive. They keep showing old footage of him on TV saying that it's live. You know, it's like the same thing we do with Dick Cheney."
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"Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things even need to explode?"
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"For the love of God, folks, don't try this at home."
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"We inadvertently bombed the Chinese Embassy. But Clinton now is working very hard. He has sent a letter of apology to the Chinese. And, he's also given them a gift certificate for future nuclear secrets."
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"There is no off position on the genius switch."
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"Yesterday Senator John Kerry changed his mind and now supports the ban on gay marriages. I'm telling you this guy has more positions than Paris Hilton."
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