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"I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there."
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"Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough."

"First of all, I think that is true, if you are a musician, particularly on the come, that you do have to end up in one of these musical centers, some way, to be viable, saleable and so on."

"For the most part fraud in the end secures for its companions repentance and shame."

"If you laid all our laws end to end, there would be no end."

"A real estate closer. Oh, what's that? I'm a real estate opener. What is a real estate closer? You mean at the end where you've got to sign all those papers?"
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"You know, you do need mentors, but in the end, you really just need to believe in yourself."

"In my mind, it is certainly much nicer to end on a high note rather than on a Stout Pig."

"I think I have made an impact in the workplace and I do believe that will prevail over any of the other things in the end."
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"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."


"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing."


"People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do."


"In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number."


"My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant."


"If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny."
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