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"The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it."
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"Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once."

"The future is what matters - because one never reaches it, but always stays in the present - like the White Queen who had to run like the wind to remain in the same spot."

"Concepts, like individuals, have their histories and are just as incapable of withstanding the ravages of time as are individuals. But in and through all this they retain a kind of homesickness for the scenes of their childhood."

"For the first time perhaps since Margaret Thatcher, we will have at the head of the Conservative Party someone who is genuinely an equal match for Tony Blair."
Explore more quotes by Joan Rivers

"A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp."

"I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'"

"I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds."
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