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"The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it."
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"You can do and use the skills that you have. The schools need you. The teachers need you. Students and parents need you. They need your actual person: your physical personhood and your open minds and open ears and boundless compassion, sitting next to them, listening and nodding and asking questions for hours at a time."
Explore more quotes by Joan Rivers
"I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'"
"My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash."
"Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television."
"She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven."
"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call it the present."
"I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor."
"I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds."
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