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"England is better only because I stand out there as 'unusual'."
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"If only Vivien Leigh had stayed in England, that part would have been mine."

"My agent set up a meeting with George Lucas. They were casting in England."

"England is better only because I stand out there as 'unusual'."

"My agent tells me I am drawing the largest salary ever paid in the halls of England. Wonderful, isn't it? for a quiet, rural gardener like myself."

"If you want to eat well in England, eat three breakfasts."
Explore more quotes by Emo Philips

"Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day."

"I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them."

"At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote."

"When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas."

"I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don't know I'm only using blanks."
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