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"England is better only because I stand out there as 'unusual'."
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"He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites."
Disaster
"I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy."
Beer
"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing."
Boxing
"People always ask me, "Where were you when Kennedy was shot?" Well, I don't have an alibi."
People
"Well, my brother says Hello. So, hooray for speech therapy."
Brother
"My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe."
Jokes
"I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator."
Night
"The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks."
Evil
"I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don't know I'm only using blanks."
Love
"When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas."
Coffee
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"Fortunately for England, all her imports are raw materials."
Author Name
Personal Development
"While the struggle for religious liberty had proceeded without large-scale bloodshed in New England and elsewhere in the United States, the struggle for political liberty had not fared so well."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I grew up in the early '70s in New England."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I knew that I had a following here in England, and if I came over here maybe I could cultivate it, but I never dreamt it would be as great as it has been."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Yeah, we went to England to do a show and I got off the plane and I couldn't write my name or hold my hand up."
Author Name
Personal Development
"And it was only released in London last week, so when I go back to England Monday or whatever, I am expecting heaps of adulation. I'm hoping there is. If that doesn't happen I will be disappointed."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I was born in Middlesex, England, which is really London."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Land, in England, is valuable, because we have highly-paid artisans to consume the produce on the spot."
Author Name
Personal Development
"In terms of soccer, it wasn't really a thing that girls did. In England it more kind of Net Ball and Hockey and stuff like that in athletics. It's to each their own, really."
Author Name
Personal Development
"It was doing very well; it was doing particularly well outside of England. It was a very big seller for Carlton Television. But it was getting more and more expensive to do."
Author Name
Personal Development
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