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"But if something funny happens, I can't resist. I have to tell the people."
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"I'm doing 5000 seat theaters and audiences are going nuts, it's fantastic and it makes me very happy. I'm dirty, but not like this; I just do comedy that I find funny. I'm working on a new tv show for cable and it's not set up yet."
Author Name
Personal Development
"It's funny; I actually made poorer decisions when I sobered up then when I was screwed up."
Author Name
Personal Development
"It was a JOB; the video show was a JOB; you don't tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o'clock at night on network tv, it would be funny though. But those guys know I like dirty stuff, I like clean stuff too."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Of course, the wind sort of swept up and the music was flying around in mid air and they were trying to play off it. You had to be there. It was quite funny."
Author Name
Personal Development
"It's funny how the music industry is enraged about the Internet and the way things are copied without being paid for. But you know why people steal the music? Because they can't afford the music."
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Personal Development
"I am odd-looking. I sometimes think I look like a funny Muppet."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I never thought I was funny, but I enjoy being funny."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Only man has dignity; only man, therefore, can be funny."
Author Name
Personal Development
"My friend had a funny remark; he told me everybody has something - some people have a big butt, some people are insecure and at least you know what it is, even if it's a lump on your head. I know I have a lump on my head."
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Personal Development
"It's so funny whenever things come full circle."
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Personal Development
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"The thing that bums me out about 'The Real World' is I don't want to believe that teenagers are that stupid."
Teenager
"I am in love with Larry David."
Love
"I love to make fun of fashion because it is just so silly."
Love
"But if something funny happens, I can't resist. I have to tell the people."
Funny
"My act has always reflected what's going on in my life."
Life
"I hate it, it is tedious... when I write for my act, it is very improvisational, I write bullet points, I cannot sit in front of a computer; that is not my style."
Act
"So yes, I say things I regret constantly, and I just can't help it."
Help
"If you see me on Friday, you'll see different material on Saturday night."
Night
"I'm not always in that good with middle-aged heterosexual men."
Men
"Gwyneth Paltrow names her kid Apple. I'm not going to let that stand."
Name
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