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Humor Quotes
"The difference between a misfortune and a calamity is this: If Gladstone fell into the Thames, it would be a misfortune. But if someone dragged him out again, that would be a calamity."
75
"I had a terrible vision: I saw an encyclopedia walk up to a polymath and open him up."
72
"Incongruity, they say, is one of the main ingredients of humor. Maybe it's because everybody can feel superior to me. I honestly don't know."
59
"My stories are very somber, so I think I need the comic ingredient. Besides, life has so much humor."
55
"I don't think humor is forced upon my universe; it's a part of it."
54
"I've got more important things to think about. I've got a yogurt to finish by today, the expiry date is today."
52
"Have a sense of humor about life - you will need it. And be courteous."
52
"Tony and I had a good on and off screen relationship, we are two very different people, but we did share a sense of humor, we now live in different parts of the world but when we find ourselves in the same place it is more or less as if there had been no years in between."
50
"I don't think my sense of humor has changed at all; I was born with this, for better or for worse."
50
"Humor is a social lubricant that helps us get over some of the bad spots."
44
"You can pretend to be serious; but you can't pretend to be witty."
40
"How do you tell a communist? Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an anti-Communist? It's someone who understands Marx and Lenin."
40
"Injections are the best thing ever invented for feeding doctors."
37
"Humor can help you cope with the unbearable so that you can stay on the bright side of things until the bright side actually comes along."
35
"Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain."
35
"The cow is of the bovine ilk; one end is moo, the other milk."
34
"A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling."
34
"Humor is not a mood but a way of looking at the world. So if it is correct to say that humor was stamped out in Nazi Germany, that does not mean that people were not in good spirits, or anything of that sort, but something much deeper and more important."
34
"What kills a skunk is the publicity it gives itself."
32
"Our subconscious minds have no sense of humor, play no jokes and cannot tell the difference between reality and an imagined thought or image. What we continually think about eventually will manifest in our lives."
31
"Please believe me. I've nothing against you personally. It's just that I laugh at all jokes."
31
"If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning."
30
"The only time to buy these is on a day with no "y" in it."
30
"A succubus on the set. Strike that, the health-conscious kid sister made it two succubuses. Succubusees? Succubi? Stupid Latin correspondence course."
30
"Kant thought things, not because they were true, but because he was Kant."
30
"Since when has the world of computer software design been about what people want? This is a simple question of evolution. The day is quickly coming when every knee will bow down to a silicon fist, and you will all beg your binary gods for mercy."
29
"There are two things that are more difficult than making an after-dinner speech: climbing a wall which is leaning toward you and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you."
29
"A little perspective, like a little humor, goes a long way."
28
"I also hate those holidays that fall on a Monday where you don't get mail, those fake holidays like Columbus Day. What did Christopher Columbus do, discover America? If he hadn't, somebody else would have and we'd still be here. Big deal."
27
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