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Humor Quotes
"I had a terrible vision: I saw an encyclopedia walk up to a polymath and open him up."
144
"I've got more important things to think about. I've got a yogurt to finish by today, the expiry date is today."
104
"The difference between a misfortune and a calamity is this: If Gladstone fell into the Thames, it would be a misfortune. But if someone dragged him out again, that would be a calamity."
101
"I don't think humor is forced upon my universe; it's a part of it."
95
"Have a sense of humor about life - you will need it. And be courteous."
95
"My stories are very somber, so I think I need the comic ingredient. Besides, life has so much humor."
91
"Incongruity, they say, is one of the main ingredients of humor. Maybe it's because everybody can feel superior to me. I honestly don't know."
83
"You can pretend to be serious; but you can't pretend to be witty."
72
"I don't think my sense of humor has changed at all; I was born with this, for better or for worse."
69
"Tony and I had a good on and off screen relationship, we are two very different people, but we did share a sense of humor, we now live in different parts of the world but when we find ourselves in the same place it is more or less as if there had been no years in between."
67
"Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain."
64
"As soon as you wink, you close your eyes to reality."
64
"Humor is a social lubricant that helps us get over some of the bad spots."
63
"A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling."
63
"Injections are the best thing ever invented for feeding doctors."
59
"How do you tell a communist? Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an anti-Communist? It's someone who understands Marx and Lenin."
58
"The cow is of the bovine ilk; one end is moo, the other milk."
56
"Humor can help you cope with the unbearable so that you can stay on the bright side of things until the bright side actually comes along."
55
"Kant thought things, not because they were true, but because he was Kant."
55
"It is good to brush your teeth when you are angry, because you brush harder and do a better job."
54
"The only time to buy these is on a day with no "y" in it."
52
"If time is money and you wasted my time, then give me back my money!"
52
"(When told that he is a drunk) My dear, you are ugly; but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly."
52
"Humor is not a mood but a way of looking at the world. So if it is correct to say that humor was stamped out in Nazi Germany, that does not mean that people were not in good spirits, or anything of that sort, but something much deeper and more important."
51
"What kills a skunk is the publicity it gives itself."
51
"Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee, and I'll forgive Thy great big joke on me."
50
"Our subconscious minds have no sense of humor, play no jokes and cannot tell the difference between reality and an imagined thought or image. What we continually think about eventually will manifest in our lives."
48
"Please believe me. I've nothing against you personally. It's just that I laugh at all jokes."
47
"I also hate those holidays that fall on a Monday where you don't get mail, those fake holidays like Columbus Day. What did Christopher Columbus do, discover America? If he hadn't, somebody else would have and we'd still be here. Big deal."
46
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