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"All I try to do is as earnestly and as acutely as I can, conceive a character and try to portray this character just honestly. If the humor is within the absurdity and the awfulness of situations, then let it be seen that way."
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"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development
"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."
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Personal Development
"Laughter is carbonated holiness."
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Personal Development
"Well, I said, "you obviously have some power. You chased off those hooligans with rotten fruit. Perhaps you have banana-kinesis? Or you can control garbage? I once knew a Roman goddess, Cloacina, who presided over the city's sewer system. Perhaps you're related? Meg pouted. I got the impression I might have said something wrong, though I couldn't imagine what."
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"Alas poor Yorick! I knew him Horatio: a fellow of infinite jest of most excellent fancy."
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Personal Development
"The Fool held his breath. On long nights on the hard flagstones he had dreamed of women like her. Although, if he really thought about it, not much like her; they were better endowed around the chest, their noses weren't so red and pointed, and their hair tended to flow more. But the Fool's libido was bright enough to tell the difference between the impossible and the conceivably attainable, and hurriedly cut in some filter circuits."
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"D'yer see it? This finger, laddie, could send ye to meet yer Maker!Sgt. Deisenburger stared at the black and purple nail a few inches from his face. As an offensive weapon it rated quite highly, especially if it was ever used in the preparation of food."
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Personal Development
"Showing off is more ridiculous in instances where the thing that is being shown off was bought on credit."
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Personal Development
"I didn't understand how. But the toilets had responded to me. I had become one with the plumbing..."
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"You never know what's going to happen with television these days."
Television
"The greatest risk is really to take no risk at all. You've got to go out there, jump off the cliff, and take chances."
Risk
"So, deadpan I think just means not acknowledging for one second that you think that this is funny and clever."
Funny
"My only job as an actor is to try and understand the character and, to the best of my ability, bring this character to life."
Life
"There's not a fortune to be made doing voiceover work unless you're one of the main voices on The Simpsons. See, there's The Simpsons, and then there's everything else."
Work
"I have heard nothing from my friends at The Family Guy. Yeah, I heard that they got picked up again and all that good stuff, but I haven't heard anything yet. But, you know, I'm very elusive and hard to contact."
Family
"I love westerns. I've always wanted to do a western."
Love
"I'll work with Jerry Seinfeld any day of the week. Get a nice little paycheck there, but you do it for free. It's just good to be associated with that man. He's a great guy."
Work
"I've actually become much, much dumber through being married and having these children. I find that I'm not half as sharp that I once was. I can't even help them with their 4th and 5th grade vocabulary and math work at this point."
Work
"I have a family to support. And I'm not always going to be doing exactly what I want to do."
Family
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