"Better to sleep with a sober cannibal than a drunken Christian."

Humor, Christian, Sleep

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"Better to sleep with a sober cannibal than a drunken Christian."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Sometimes absurd logic can be amusing and heart-touching."

Debasish Mridha, American Author

Humor, Logic, Absurd, Heart, Amusement

"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Alimony, Husband, Money, Law

"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."

Richelle E. Goodrich, American Poet

Humor, Happiness, Truth, Wisdom

"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Hair, Identity, Funny

"God, you had enough time to have been through it three times. You've been through my stuff. I bet you over and let one of you stick the world's longest finger up my ass. If a prostate check is an exam, that was a motherfucking safari. I was scared to look down. I thought I'd see that guy's finger nail sticking out of my cock."

Stephen King, American Author

Humor, Regret, Truth, Wisdom, Power

"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"

Rick Riordan, American Novelist

Humor, Truth, Wisdom, Power

"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Absurdity, Disappearance, Bizarre

"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."

Kenneth Grahame, Scottish Novelist

Humor, Speech

"Igor?' said Moist. 'You have an Igor?'Oh, yes,' said Hubert. 'That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!'Ha ha,' agreed Moist.Ha hah hah!,' said Hubert. 'Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!-'Bent slapped him on the back. Hubert coughed.Sorry about that, it's the air down here,' he mumbled."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Madness, Science

"This was beyond a joke. This had moved beyond foolishness, slipped over the line into genuine 24 karat Jesus-Christ-I-fucked-up-bigtime territory."

Neil Gaiman, British Author

Humor, Mistake, Fallibility, Regret

Explore more quotes by Herman Melville

"There is one knows not what sweet mystery about this sea, whose gently awful stirrings seem to speak of some hidden soul beneath."

Nature, Soul, Mystery, Sea

"Truth is in things, and not in words."

Truth, Words

"He who has never failed somewhere, that man can not be great."

Courage, Man

"There are times when even the most potent governor must wink at transgression, in order to preserve the laws inviolate for the future."

Leadership, Future, Laws, Order

"Let us speak, though we show all our faults and weaknesses, - for it is a sign of strength to be weak, to know it, and out with it - not in a set way and ostentatiously, though, but incidentally and without premeditation."

Courage, Strength, Faults

"A whale ship was my Yale College and my Harvard."

Creativity, College

"We cannot live only for ourselves. A thousand fibers connect us with our fellow men."

Unity, Men

"Let America first praise mediocrity even, in her children, before she praises... the best excellence in the children of any other land."

Patriotism, America, Children, Excellence, First

"Hope is the struggle of the soul, breaking loose from what is perishable, and attesting her eternity."

Hope, Soul, Eternity, Struggle

"It is impossible to talk or to write without apparently throwing oneself helplessly open."

Communication, Open, Talk