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"Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken."
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"Sometimes absurd logic can be amusing and heart-touching."
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Personal Development
"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."
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Personal Development
"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."
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Personal Development
"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""
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Personal Development
"God, you had enough time to have been through it three times. You've been through my stuff. I bet you over and let one of you stick the world's longest finger up my ass. If a prostate check is an exam, that was a motherfucking safari. I was scared to look down. I thought I'd see that guy's finger nail sticking out of my cock."
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Personal Development
"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"
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Personal Development
"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."
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Personal Development
"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."
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Personal Development
"Igor?' said Moist. 'You have an Igor?'Oh, yes,' said Hubert. 'That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!'Ha ha,' agreed Moist.Ha hah hah!,' said Hubert. 'Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!-'Bent slapped him on the back. Hubert coughed.Sorry about that, it's the air down here,' he mumbled."
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Personal Development
"This was beyond a joke. This had moved beyond foolishness, slipped over the line into genuine 24 karat Jesus-Christ-I-fucked-up-bigtime territory."
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Personal Development
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"Most sorts of diversion in men, children and other animals, are in imitation of fighting."
Man
"As love without esteem is capricious and volatile; esteem without love is languid and cold."
Love
"A wise man should have money in his head, but not in his heart."
Money
"Where there are large powers with little ambition... nature may be said to have fallen short of her purposes."
Nature
"The want of belief is a defect that ought to be concealed when it cannot be overcome."
Trust
"It is impossible that anything so natural, so necessary, and so universal as death, should ever have been designed by providence as an evil to mankind."
Death
"My nose itched, and I knew I should drink wine or kiss a fool."
Love
"Human brutes, like other beasts, find snares and poison in the provision of life, and are allured by their appetites to their destruction."
Life
"Men are happy to be laughed at for their humor, but not for their folly."
Man
"Politics, as the word is commonly understood, are nothing but corruptions."
Politics
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