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"You can pretend to be serious; but you can't pretend to be witty."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development
"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."
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Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
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Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development
"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."
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Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development
"Comedy strikes here... just to reduce pressure and depression."
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Personal Development
"They're both bungholes who think they're too noble to shit."
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Personal Development
"She breathed an enormous sigh, looked at Poirot, Looked away, and suddenly blurted out, "You're too old. Nobody told me you were so old. I really don't want to be rude but - there it is. You're too old. I'm really sorry." She turned abruptly and blundered out of the room, rather like a desperate moth in lamplight. Poirot, his mouth open, heard the bang of the front door. He ejaculated: "Non d'un nom d'un nom..."
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"You can pretend to be serious; but you can't pretend to be witty."
Humor
"The best way to turn a woman's head is to tell her she has a beautiful profile."
Woman
"The secret of a good marriage is forgiving your partner for marrying you in the first place."
Marriage
"Our wisdom comes from our experience, and our experience comes from our foolishness."
Wisdom
"I would gladly admit women are superior to men if only they would stop trying to be the same as us."
Man
"The little I know I owe to my ignorance."
Ignorance
"A man must marry only a very pretty woman in case he should ever want some other man to take her off his hands."
Man
"Why is it better to love than to be loved? It is surer."
Love
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