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Quotes by Entertainer
"She is the mother I never had, she is the sister everybody would want. She is the friend that everybody deserves. I don't know a better person."
181
"But then, so far as I know, I am the only performer who ever pledged his assistants to secrecy, honor and allegiance under a notarial oath."
166
"I've stopped caring about skeptics, but if they libel or defame me they will end up in court."
123
"Incongruity, they say, is one of the main ingredients of humor. Maybe it's because everybody can feel superior to me. I honestly don't know."
91
"When we had been married five years, we had six children. What, in God's name, was wrong with me?"
86
"I have given up trying to be happy. It is no use an leads to nothing."
75
"I certainly would have regretted not getting into wrestling. It's been very lucrative for me and I've been fortunate to get into it and make money and not do anything stupid where I invested in something that collapsed."
75
"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."
74
"I have a microphone on one ankle and an ankle bracelet on the other, so I'm well balanced today."
72
"Michael Jackson was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. It caused quite a controversy, because his nose isn't eligible for another fifteen years."
70
"When I was a bit older I had all of the George Carlin records, all of the Steve Martin records, all of the Cheech and Chong records and all of the Richard Pryor records."
69
"I'll tell you what's helped me my entire life. I look at baseball as a game. It's something where people can go out, enjoy and have fun. Nothing more."
69
"I was raised to believe that excellence is the best deterrent to racism or sexism. And that's how I operate my life."
68
"Prince decided to move from Minneapolis to Toronto. Jimmy Jam told me that they were living there now."
68
"Every student of comedy should see Dame Edna at least twice."
67
"Humor is a social lubricant that helps us get over some of the bad spots."
66
"I wasn't anything special as a father. But I loved them and they knew it."
66
"The lawlessness of frontier life in America has been pictured as a remarkable phenomenon. In reality, it was the natural consequence of indiscriminate mixing of volatile substances."
66
"I knew the profanity used up and down my street would not go over the air... So I trained myself to say 'Holy Cow' instead."
64
"Money is in some respects life's fire: it is a very excellent servant, but a terrible master."
64
"Would it be better if I'd married a Negro woman? Would they treat my child any better? Erect fewer barriers?"
63
"Children are so used to seeing puppets that when they see a real ventriloquist they don't understand it."
62
"It was a big story and yesterday's soup. Who cares?"
62
"I can't believe what's happening visually, in front of my eyes."
62
"There are seven winners of the Monaco Grand Prix on the starting line today, and four of them are Michael Schumacher."
61
"Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down."
61
"Sex is the most beautiful thing that can take place between a happily married man and his secretary."
61
"My wife says I'm making a noise like a stranded whale. I think I have a major snoring problem."
Wife,
61
"But with The Dark Crystal, instead of puppetry we're trying to go toward a sense of realism - toward a reality of creatures that are actually alive and we're mixing up puppetry and all kinds of other techniques."
60
"This Halloween, the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him."
59
"The press is like the peculiar uncle you keep in the attic - just one of those unfortunate things."
58
"It took 35 years, but the time was well spent and I think I have established a good stake in the future."
58
"We love our fans, so there's nothing we wouldn't do for them, and we go directly to t hem."
57
"I would never want to hurt anyone by writing a book."
57
"You see the images that the public is demanding. Why more reality-based TV? You'd think that after the first Survivor it would have gone away, but it hasn't. The public demands it because they get all caught up in the personal stories, and want to see more and more."
57
"The one thing you don't want is that stale sound when you've done a line so much you can't find a fresh approach to it. Drop it."
56
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