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Quotes by Entertainer
"She is the mother I never had, she is the sister everybody would want. She is the friend that everybody deserves. I don't know a better person."
132
"I've stopped caring about skeptics, but if they libel or defame me they will end up in court."
62
"But then, so far as I know, I am the only performer who ever pledged his assistants to secrecy, honor and allegiance under a notarial oath."
61
"Incongruity, they say, is one of the main ingredients of humor. Maybe it's because everybody can feel superior to me. I honestly don't know."
57
"Humor is a social lubricant that helps us get over some of the bad spots."
43
"Children are so used to seeing puppets that when they see a real ventriloquist they don't understand it."
42
"I certainly would have regretted not getting into wrestling. It's been very lucrative for me and I've been fortunate to get into it and make money and not do anything stupid where I invested in something that collapsed."
41
"I was raised to believe that excellence is the best deterrent to racism or sexism. And that's how I operate my life."
40
"When I was a bit older I had all of the George Carlin records, all of the Steve Martin records, all of the Cheech and Chong records and all of the Richard Pryor records."
40
"I'll tell you what's helped me my entire life. I look at baseball as a game. It's something where people can go out, enjoy and have fun. Nothing more."
39
"I have given up trying to be happy. It is no use an leads to nothing."
38
"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."
38
"I wasn't anything special as a father. But I loved them and they knew it."
38
"Money is in some respects life's fire: it is a very excellent servant, but a terrible master."
38
"I knew the profanity used up and down my street would not go over the air... So I trained myself to say 'Holy Cow' instead."
36
"Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down."
35
"It took 35 years, but the time was well spent and I think I have established a good stake in the future."
35
"My wife says I'm making a noise like a stranded whale. I think I have a major snoring problem."
Wife,
35
"Prince decided to move from Minneapolis to Toronto. Jimmy Jam told me that they were living there now."
35
"I've enjoyed being a part of something from the beginning, when we were still finding our footing."
34
"Would it be better if I'd married a Negro woman? Would they treat my child any better? Erect fewer barriers?"
33
"The lawlessness of frontier life in America has been pictured as a remarkable phenomenon. In reality, it was the natural consequence of indiscriminate mixing of volatile substances."
33
"Don't worry about the horse being blind, just load the wagon."
31
"I've never had a drink of alcohol or any drug in my life."
31
"A clown's makeup and character, that's all he has to sell. He loves and believes in that character."
31
"Michael Jackson was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. It caused quite a controversy, because his nose isn't eligible for another fifteen years."
31
"There are seven winners of the Monaco Grand Prix on the starting line today, and four of them are Michael Schumacher."
30
"It was a big story and yesterday's soup. Who cares?"
30
"There's a simple way to solve the crime problem: obey the law; punish those who do not."
29
"Sex is the most beautiful thing that can take place between a happily married man and his secretary."
29
"Books were my pass to personal freedom. I learned to read at age three, and soon discovered there was a whole world to conquer that went beyond our farm in Mississippi."
29
"I have never seen a bad television program, because I refuse to. God gave me a mind, and a wrist that turns things off."
29
"I have a microphone on one ankle and an ankle bracelet on the other, so I'm well balanced today."
29
"I can't believe what's happening visually, in front of my eyes."
29
"The press is like the peculiar uncle you keep in the attic - just one of those unfortunate things."
28
"I love to have battles of the wits with people that can dish fast and dirty - and it leads to problems occasionally, 'cause I can sound mean without attempting to be mean."
28
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