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Quotes by Entertainer
"She is the mother I never had, she is the sister everybody would want. She is the friend that everybody deserves. I don't know a better person."
60
"I've stopped caring about skeptics, but if they libel or defame me they will end up in court."
52
"But then, so far as I know, I am the only performer who ever pledged his assistants to secrecy, honor and allegiance under a notarial oath."
46
"Incongruity, they say, is one of the main ingredients of humor. Maybe it's because everybody can feel superior to me. I honestly don't know."
41
"I was raised to believe that excellence is the best deterrent to racism or sexism. And that's how I operate my life."
33
"Children are so used to seeing puppets that when they see a real ventriloquist they don't understand it."
32
"When I was a bit older I had all of the George Carlin records, all of the Steve Martin records, all of the Cheech and Chong records and all of the Richard Pryor records."
32
"Humor is a social lubricant that helps us get over some of the bad spots."
31
"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."
30
"I wasn't anything special as a father. But I loved them and they knew it."
30
"I'll tell you what's helped me my entire life. I look at baseball as a game. It's something where people can go out, enjoy and have fun. Nothing more."
30
"I certainly would have regretted not getting into wrestling. It's been very lucrative for me and I've been fortunate to get into it and make money and not do anything stupid where I invested in something that collapsed."
30
"Money is in some respects life's fire: it is a very excellent servant, but a terrible master."
29
"It took 35 years, but the time was well spent and I think I have established a good stake in the future."
28
"I have given up trying to be happy. It is no use an leads to nothing."
27
"Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down."
26
"Would it be better if I'd married a Negro woman? Would they treat my child any better? Erect fewer barriers?"
25
"I knew the profanity used up and down my street would not go over the air... So I trained myself to say 'Holy Cow' instead."
25
"The lawlessness of frontier life in America has been pictured as a remarkable phenomenon. In reality, it was the natural consequence of indiscriminate mixing of volatile substances."
25
"Don't worry about the horse being blind, just load the wagon."
24
"Prince decided to move from Minneapolis to Toronto. Jimmy Jam told me that they were living there now."
24
"I've enjoyed being a part of something from the beginning, when we were still finding our footing."
23
"My wife says I'm making a noise like a stranded whale. I think I have a major snoring problem."
Wife,
23
"A clown's makeup and character, that's all he has to sell. He loves and believes in that character."
23
"Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral."
23
"It was a big story and yesterday's soup. Who cares?"
22
"Michael Jackson was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. It caused quite a controversy, because his nose isn't eligible for another fifteen years."
22
"There are seven winners of the Monaco Grand Prix on the starting line today, and four of them are Michael Schumacher."
21
"The press is like the peculiar uncle you keep in the attic - just one of those unfortunate things."
21
"Yeah, I think we did the term Muppets before we got the show Sam and Friends - a few months after I started working."
21
"I love to have battles of the wits with people that can dish fast and dirty - and it leads to problems occasionally, 'cause I can sound mean without attempting to be mean."
21
"Sex is the most beautiful thing that can take place between a happily married man and his secretary."
21
"You see the images that the public is demanding. Why more reality-based TV? You'd think that after the first Survivor it would have gone away, but it hasn't. The public demands it because they get all caught up in the personal stories, and want to see more and more."
21
"I have a microphone on one ankle and an ankle bracelet on the other, so I'm well balanced today."
21
"My dad taught me true words you have to use in every relationship. Yes, baby."
21
"Books were my pass to personal freedom. I learned to read at age three, and soon discovered there was a whole world to conquer that went beyond our farm in Mississippi."
20
"The most sophisticated people I know - inside they are all children."
20
"A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in."
19
"There's a simple way to solve the crime problem: obey the law; punish those who do not."
18
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