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Quotes by Entertainer
"But then, so far as I know, I am the only performer who ever pledged his assistants to secrecy, honor and allegiance under a notarial oath."
231
"She is the mother I never had, she is the sister everybody would want. She is the friend that everybody deserves. I don't know a better person."
228
"I've stopped caring about skeptics, but if they libel or defame me they will end up in court."
191
"When we had been married five years, we had six children. What, in God's name, was wrong with me?"
118
"Incongruity, they say, is one of the main ingredients of humor. Maybe it's because everybody can feel superior to me. I honestly don't know."
107
"Prince decided to move from Minneapolis to Toronto. Jimmy Jam told me that they were living there now."
105
"I have given up trying to be happy. It is no use an leads to nothing."
100
"When I was a bit older I had all of the George Carlin records, all of the Steve Martin records, all of the Cheech and Chong records and all of the Richard Pryor records."
96
"Michael Jackson was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. It caused quite a controversy, because his nose isn't eligible for another fifteen years."
96
"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."
95
"I certainly would have regretted not getting into wrestling. It's been very lucrative for me and I've been fortunate to get into it and make money and not do anything stupid where I invested in something that collapsed."
95
"I have a microphone on one ankle and an ankle bracelet on the other, so I'm well balanced today."
94
"As an announcer, 'The Price Is Right' is the mother of all shows not only because of its legacy, but because it is by far the most demanding game show."
93
"This Halloween, the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him."
92
"The one thing you don't want is that stale sound when you've done a line so much you can't find a fresh approach to it. Drop it."
91
"Every student of comedy should see Dame Edna at least twice."
89
"I find celebrity status difficult to bear when I am in the company of my mother."
88
"My wife says I'm making a noise like a stranded whale. I think I have a major snoring problem."
Wife,
88
"But with The Dark Crystal, instead of puppetry we're trying to go toward a sense of realism - toward a reality of creatures that are actually alive and we're mixing up puppetry and all kinds of other techniques."
88
"Humor is a social lubricant that helps us get over some of the bad spots."
87
"I knew the profanity used up and down my street would not go over the air... So I trained myself to say 'Holy Cow' instead."
85
"There are seven winners of the Monaco Grand Prix on the starting line today, and four of them are Michael Schumacher."
84
"I was raised to believe that excellence is the best deterrent to racism or sexism. And that's how I operate my life."
84
"I wasn't anything special as a father. But I loved them and they knew it."
84
"I can't believe what's happening visually, in front of my eyes."
84
"I'll tell you what's helped me my entire life. I look at baseball as a game. It's something where people can go out, enjoy and have fun. Nothing more."
84
"Excellence is the best deterrent to racism or sexism."
84
"What upset me the most was not that I would die, but that I was letting down my parents. I felt very guilty for chasing this dream career of mine, at the expense of my parents."
83
"Would it be better if I'd married a Negro woman? Would they treat my child any better? Erect fewer barriers?"
83
"Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down."
82
"Sex is the most beautiful thing that can take place between a happily married man and his secretary."
82
"It was a big story and yesterday's soup. Who cares?"
82
"Flames from the lips may be produced by holding in the mouth a sponge saturated with the purest gasoline."
May,
82
"The lawlessness of frontier life in America has been pictured as a remarkable phenomenon. In reality, it was the natural consequence of indiscriminate mixing of volatile substances."
82
"Children are so used to seeing puppets that when they see a real ventriloquist they don't understand it."
81
"I suppose in London they all drink from the same watering holes."
80
"The press is like the peculiar uncle you keep in the attic - just one of those unfortunate things."
80
"I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food."
Food,
79
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