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"Humor is a social lubricant that helps us get over some of the bad spots."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development
"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."
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Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
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Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development
"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."
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Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development
"Comedy strikes here... just to reduce pressure and depression."
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Personal Development
"She breathed an enormous sigh, looked at Poirot, Looked away, and suddenly blurted out, "You're too old. Nobody told me you were so old. I really don't want to be rude but - there it is. You're too old. I'm really sorry." She turned abruptly and blundered out of the room, rather like a desperate moth in lamplight. Poirot, his mouth open, heard the bang of the front door. He ejaculated: "Non d'un nom d'un nom..."
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Personal Development
"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
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"One of the nice things about problems is that a good many of them do not exist except in our imaginations."
Problems
"The hair is real - it's the head that's a fake."
Hair
"Dark energy is perhaps the biggest mystery in physics."
Energy
"Totalitarianism is patriotism institutionalized."
Patriotism
"Asthma doesn't seem to bother me any more unless I'm around cigars or dogs. The thing that would bother me most would be a dog smoking a cigar."
Dogs
"Humor is a social lubricant that helps us get over some of the bad spots."
Humor
"In a rational society we would want our presidents to be teachers. In our actual society we insist they be cheerleaders."
Society
"I used to be a heavy gambler. But now I just make mental bets. That's how I lost my mind."
Mind
"If there is a God, the phrase that must disgust him is - holy war."
War
"If the Old Testament were a reliable guide in the matter of capital punishment, half the people in the United States would have to be killed tomorrow."
People
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