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"Humor is a social lubricant that helps us get over some of the bad spots."
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"Laughter comes later, like wisdom teeth. And laughter at yourself comes last of all in a mad race with death. And sometimes, it isn't in time."
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Personal Development
"Pessimist - one who when he has the choice of two evils chooses both."
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Personal Development
"Pardon my French if you're a religious man.''I am,' Bill said, grinning.'Then get outta my cab and go to fucking church,' the cabbie said, and they both burst out laughing."
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Personal Development
"Mr. Bennet, how can you abuse your own children in such a way? Youtake delight in vexing me. You have no compassion for my poor nerves.""You mistake me, my dear. I have a high respect for your nerves. Theyare my old friends. I have heard you mention them with considerationthese last twenty years at least."
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Personal Development
"You can be a little ungrammatical if you come from the right part of the country."
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Personal Development
"April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four."
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Personal Development
"Did you hear what I was playing, Lane?I didn't think it polite to listen, sir."
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Personal Development
"Never try to out-stubborn a cat."
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Personal Development
"In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards."
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Personal Development
"I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and Fries."
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"Humor is a social lubricant that helps us get over some of the bad spots."
Humor
"Asthma doesn't seem to bother me any more unless I'm around cigars or dogs. The thing that would bother me most would be a dog smoking a cigar."
Dogs
"The hair is real - it's the head that's a fake."
Hair
"If the Old Testament were a reliable guide in the matter of capital punishment, half the people in the United States would have to be killed tomorrow."
People
"Totalitarianism is patriotism institutionalized."
Patriotism
"In a rational society we would want our presidents to be teachers. In our actual society we insist they be cheerleaders."
Society
"If there is a God, the phrase that must disgust him is - holy war."
War
"Dark energy is perhaps the biggest mystery in physics."
Energy
"One of the nice things about problems is that a good many of them do not exist except in our imaginations."
Problems
"Ours is a government of checks and balances. The Mafia and crooked businessmen make out checks, and the politicians and other compromised officials improve their bank balances."
Government
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