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"Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee, and I'll forgive Thy great big joke on me."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
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Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
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Personal Development
"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."
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Personal Development
"Papa, potatoes, poultry, prunes and prism, are all very good words for the lips."
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Personal Development
"Laughter is carbonated holiness."
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Personal Development
"Well, I said, "you obviously have some power. You chased off those hooligans with rotten fruit. Perhaps you have banana-kinesis? Or you can control garbage? I once knew a Roman goddess, Cloacina, who presided over the city's sewer system. Perhaps you're related? Meg pouted. I got the impression I might have said something wrong, though I couldn't imagine what."
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Personal Development
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"One aged man - one man - can't fill a house."
Wisdom
"A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel."
Politics
"I would have written of me on my stone: I had a lover's quarrel with the world."
Wisdom
"And were an epitaph to be my story I'd have a short one ready for my own. I would have written of me on my stone: I had a lover's quarrel with the world."
Love
"The middle of the road is where the white line is - and that's the worst place to drive."
Wisdom
"I had a lovers quarrel with the world."
Attitude
"A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body - the wishbone."
Attitude
"Some say the world will end in fire, some say in ice."
Philosophy
"It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married."
Humor
"I hold it to be the inalienable right of anybody to go to hell in his own way."
Freedom
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