"Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it."

"When in doubt tell the truth."

"My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it."

"Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising."

"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything."

"It is not best that we should all think alike; it is a difference of opinion that makes horse races."

"Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial "we.""

"The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time."

"Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it."

"George Washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie."

"Ideally a book would have no order to it, and the reader would have to discover his own."

"No sinner is ever saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon."

"Everything has its limit - iron ore cannot be educated into gold."

"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint."

"To be good is noble; but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble."

"A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds."

"God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board."

"There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress."

"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained."

"Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet."

"I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up."

"Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do."

"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."

"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education."

"It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it."

"Don't let schooling interfere with your education."

"Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life."

"Don't tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish."

"The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become."

"It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech."

"Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned."

"I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places."

"The man who does not read books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them."

"There are lies, damned lies and statistics."

"It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native criminal class except Congress."

"It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them."

"Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks."

"The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little."

"Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside."

"There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable."

"The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice."

"Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms."

"The Public is merely a multiplied "me.""

"Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to."

"If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first."

"Words are only painted fire; a look is the fire itself."

"Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example."

"What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself."

"Be careless in your dress if you will, but keep a tidy soul."

"I have made it a rule never to smoke more that one cigar at a time."