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"I had a terrible vision: I saw an encyclopedia walk up to a polymath and open him up."
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"Sometimes absurd logic can be amusing and heart-touching."
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Personal Development
"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."
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Personal Development
"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."
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Personal Development
"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""
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Personal Development
"God, you had enough time to have been through it three times. You've been through my stuff. I bet you over and let one of you stick the world's longest finger up my ass. If a prostate check is an exam, that was a motherfucking safari. I was scared to look down. I thought I'd see that guy's finger nail sticking out of my cock."
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Personal Development
"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"
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Personal Development
"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."
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Personal Development
"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."
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Personal Development
"Igor?' said Moist. 'You have an Igor?'Oh, yes,' said Hubert. 'That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!'Ha ha,' agreed Moist.Ha hah hah!,' said Hubert. 'Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!-'Bent slapped him on the back. Hubert coughed.Sorry about that, it's the air down here,' he mumbled."
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Personal Development
"This was beyond a joke. This had moved beyond foolishness, slipped over the line into genuine 24 karat Jesus-Christ-I-fucked-up-bigtime territory."
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Personal Development
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"Experiences are savings which a miser puts aside. Wisdom is an inheritance which a wastrel cannot exhaust."
Wisdom
"Psychoanalysis is that mental illness for which it regards itself as therapy."
Psychoanalysis
"The trouble with Germans is not that they fire shells, but that they engrave them with quotations from Kant."
Fire
"To me all men are equal: there are jackasses everywhere, and I have the same contempt for them all."
Man
"Virginity is the ideal of those who want to deflower."
Jealousy
"Squeeze human nature into the straitjacket of criminal justice and crime will appear."
Nature
"Culture is the tacit agreement to let the means of subsistence disappear behind the purpose of existence. Civilization is the subordination of the latter to the former."
Civilization
"Democracy means the opportunity to be everyone's slave."
Opportunity
"A fine world in which man reproaches woman with fulfilling his heart's desire!"
Heart
"Journalists write because they have nothing to say, and have something to say because they write."
Nothing
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