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"I had a terrible vision: I saw an encyclopedia walk up to a polymath and open him up."
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"Rogerson," I asked him sweetly as we sat watching a video in the pool house, "where would I find the pelagic zone?""In the open sea," he said. "Now shut up and eat your Junior Mints."
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Personal Development
"Playing Solitaire is a non-smoking employee's smoke break."
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Personal Development
"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."
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Personal Development
"A sense of humor keen enough to show a man his own absurdities will keep him from the commission of all sins, or nearly all, save those worth committing."
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Personal Development
"Christ and The Church: If he were to apply for a divorce on the grounds of cruelty, adultery and desertion, he would probably get one."
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Personal Development
"England has forty-two religions and only two sauces."
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Personal Development
"God is a comedian playing to an audience that is too afraid to laugh."
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Personal Development
"And then Mum spoons the coffee a little as if she's having fantasies of flinging it in Britt-Marie's face. But in a controlled way."
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Personal Development
"Stupidity is brief and guileless, while wit equivocates and hides. Wit is a scoundrel, while stupidity is honest and sincere."
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Personal Development
"I say let the world go to hell, but I should always have my tea."
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"Matrimony is the union of meanness and martyrdom."
Marriage
"A fine world in which man reproaches woman with fulfilling his heart's desire!"
Heart
"Journalists write because they have nothing to say, and have something to say because they write."
Nothing
"I am already so popular that anyone who vilifies me becomes more popular than I am."
Fame
"Curses on the law! Most of my fellow citizens are the sorry consequences of uncommitted abortions."
Consequence
"Sexuality poorly repressed unsettles some families; well repressed, it unsettles the whole world."
Sexuality
"Science is spectral analysis. Art is light synthesis."
Art
"How is the world ruled and led to war? Diplomats lie to journalists and believe these lies when they see them in print."
War
"Sentimental irony is a dog that bays at the moon while pissing on graves."
Humor
"Children play soldier. That makes sense. But why do soldiers play children?"
Family
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