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"I had a terrible vision: I saw an encyclopedia walk up to a polymath and open him up."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
Author Name
Personal Development
"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."
Author Name
Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
Author Name
Personal Development
"I went to the kitchen and felt-up the turkey."
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Personal Development
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"The sound principle of a topsy-turvy lifestyle in the framework of an upside-down world order has stood every test."
Society
"Scandal begins when the police put a stop to it."
Society
"He who does without the praise of the crowd will not deny himself an opportunity to be his own adherent."
Opportunity
"Feminine passion is to masculine as an epic is to an epigram."
Passion
"I and my public understand each other very well: it does not hear what I say, and I don't say what it wants to hear."
Public
"The trouble with Germans is not that they fire shells, but that they engrave them with quotations from Kant."
Fire
"Christian morality prefers remorse to precede lust, and then lust not to follow."
Morality
"Education is a crutch with which the foolish attack the wise to prove that they are not idiots."
Education
"A child learns to discard his ideals, whereas a grown-up never wears out his short pants."
Childhood
"Justice is a whore that won't let herself be stiffed, and collects the wages of shame even from the poor."
Justice
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