"I had a terrible vision: I saw an encyclopedia walk up to a polymath and open him up."

Humor, Open

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"I had a terrible vision: I saw an encyclopedia walk up to a polymath and open him up."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"If it weren't for the last minute nothing would get done."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Procrastination, Delay, Action

"And if I talk to him, I'll say something wrong, give something away. I can feel it coming, a betrayal of myself."

Margaret Atwood, Canadian Novelist

Humor, Escape, Solitude, Space, Privacy

"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"

Rick Riordan, American Novelist

Humor, Truth, Wisdom, Power

"I always try to cheer myself up by singing when i get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Singing, Sadness, Voice

"When you love someone, you don't care that she ate your sandwich. You only hope she found it delicious."

Richelle E. Goodrich, American Poet

Humor, Love, Happiness, Today, Truth

"Looking for a wife is like fishing; before you go, make sure you don't have a hole in your net."

Matshona Dhliwayo, Zimbabwean Philosopher

Humor, Marriage, Fishing, Perspective

"Some kleptomaniacs do not steal things only; they also, while some only, steal lovers."

Mokokoma Mokhonoana, South African Philosopher

Humor, Truth, Life, Power, Wisdom

"You know, Aunt Tasha makes jokes about how youE1d actually be a better queen than the others, except sometimes . . . I donE1t think sheE1s joking."

Richelle Mead, American Author

Humor, Jokes, Comparison, Family

"A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water."

Mokokoma Mokhonoana, South African Philosopher

Humor, Truth, Life, Happiness

"In examinations the foolish ask questions that the wise cannot answer."

Oscar Wilde, Irish Dramatist

Humor, Examination, Wisdom, Knowledge, Learning

Explore more quotes by Karl Kraus

"It is the style of idealism to console itself for the loss of something old with the ability to gape at something new."

Ability

"Journalist: a person without any ideas but with an ability to express them; a writer whose skill is improved by a deadline: the more time he has, the worse he writes."

Time

"How is the world ruled and led to war? Diplomats lie to journalists and believe these lies when they see them in print."

War

"Sexuality poorly repressed unsettles some families; well repressed, it unsettles the whole world."

Sexuality

"The mission of the press is to spread culture while destroying the attention span."

Attention

"You would be surprised how hard it often is to translate an action into thought."

Thought

"Education is a crutch with which the foolish attack the wise to prove that they are not idiots."

Education

"A writer is someone who can make a riddle out of an answer."

Writing

"Corruption is worse than prostitution. The latter might endanger the morals of an individual, the former invariably endangers the morals of the entire country."

Corruption

"A fine world in which man reproaches woman with fulfilling his heart's desire!"

Heart