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Quotes by Comedian
"It makes you more open, it gives you perspective, having a child."
61
"I think people feel starved of nice, glamorous entertainment. They want to see costumes and gaiety and a singer; old-fashioned entertainment - it won't die easily."
61
"In a movie like this, the relationship between the two guys is crucial. It sinks or swims on how these two guys are together. I think we did a good job."
Job,
61
"A word to the wise is not sufficient if it doesn't make sense."
61
"Actually, I didn't like Dartmouth very much, but the whole theater scene I really liked."
61
"If I had been around when Rubens was painting, I would have been revered as a fabulous model. Kate Moss? Well, she would have been the paintbrush."
61
"I took a public speaking class in college and managed to make the class laugh a little bit."
60
"When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them."
60
"Your instinct, rather than precision stabbing, is more about just random bludgeoning."
60
"I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle."
60
"I've never been arrested. I've been stopped, searched and had a gun put to my head by the Chicago cops."
60
"Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you."
60
"Desperation is a necessary ingredient to learning anything, or creating anything. Period. If you ain't desperate at some point, you ain't interesting."
60
"Marketing is what gets you noticed, and that side of it something - this side of it, if you like, doing interviews - is the side of it that I least enjoy, and yet is 50% of the project."
60
"Riches do not delight us so much with their possession, as torment us with their loss."
60
"I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going."
60
"If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked."
60
"Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded."
60
"I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it."
60
"We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities."
60
"My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger."
60
"Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle."
60
"You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think."
60
"Affectation is a very good word when someone does not wish to confess to what he would none the less like to believe of himself."
60
"It's rather splendid to think of all those great men and women who appear to have presented symptoms that allow us to describe them as bipolar. Whether it's Hemingway, Van Gogh... Robert Schumann has been mentioned... Virginia Woolf, Sylvia Plath... some of them with rather grim ends."
60
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