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"If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late."
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"I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.'"

"We didn't sleep last week - we literally didn't sleep - because we've been so busy with the book."

"Sorrow can be alleviated by good sleep, a bath and a glass of wine."

"Unlike in my young days I'm not able to eat, drink and sleep tennis."

"Standards are a little crazy these days. I think that, when you go to sleep, as long as you're happy with the way you are and the way you look, that's the most important thing. I think it's an internal thing. As long as you feel good with who you are and comfortable with what you're wearing, but not if that's the most important thing."

"Sleep!May be you will wake up tomorrow and find that things never changed, the apocalypse never happened, and everything's fine, normal, at home.Or may be you will wake up tomorrow and find that things have changed, for the better, the apocalypse is over and there's light, hope and a new home.Sleep, you crazy soul, just sleep."

"It wasn't always easy getting up at 5 o'clock in the morning to go to the rink. Sometimes I wanted to just go back to sleep."

"Although she was giddy with exhaustion, sleep was a lover who refused to be touched.."
Explore more quotes by Henny Youngman


"My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!"


"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
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