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Rita Rudner

"The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down."

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"The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down."

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Akiroq Brost

"Paul Simon started piling up a lot of words, more than the bar could handle, and I stopped!"

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Akiroq Brost

"Yes and, you know, I can't use the nice words anymore because I used to chicken out by using them. I used to call myself plus size, used to call myself chubby. I used to call myself overweight."

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Akiroq Brost

"I say there're no depressed words just depressed minds."

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Akiroq Brost

"I consider looseness with words no less of a defect than looseness of the bowels."

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Akiroq Brost

"It's only words... unless they're true."

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Akiroq Brost

"Words really flattering are not those which we prepare but those which escape us unthinkingly."

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Akiroq Brost

"The best contraceptive is the word no - repeated frequently."

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Akiroq Brost

"My buildings don't speak in words but by means of their own spaciousness."

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Akiroq Brost

"My word fly up my thoughts remain below: Words without thoughts never to heaven go."

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Akiroq Brost

"'Programming' is a four-letter word."

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Rita Rudner
"I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine."
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Rita Rudner
"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry."
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Rita Rudner
"Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid."
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Rita Rudner
"Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?"
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Rita Rudner
"Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times."
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Rita Rudner
"Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?"
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Rita Rudner
"To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior.""
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Rita Rudner
"I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet."
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Rita Rudner
"A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't get a bikini wax."
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Rita Rudner
"Most turkeys taste better the day after, my mother's tasted better the day before."
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