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"The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down."
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"If you say a word against a 'sensitive' person, it will have an immediate effect. In reality, words are simply a 'record' playing."
"The world's most lethal venom is not found on the tongues of serpents, but on the tongues of a disgruntled wife."
"I consider looseness with words no less of a defect than looseness of the bowels."
"'When I use a word,' Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, 'it means just what I choose it to mean - neither more nor less.'"
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"I was a brat. It was crazy, I was very picky. In other words, I didn't take advantage of what was happening."
Explore more quotes by Rita Rudner
"I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose."
"We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet."
"Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid."
"Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?"
"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry."
"My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head."
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