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"My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to."
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"I didn't get married. I do have a boyfriend. We live together."

"A true heiress is never mean to anyone - except a girl who steals your boyfriend."

"Do not just look at your boyfriend as just a boyfriend. Look at him as a friend, too."

"I'm not the girl who always has a boyfriend. I'm the girl who rarely has a boyfriend."

"My boyfriend calls me 'princess', but I think of myself more along the lines of 'monkey' and 'retard'."

"My boyfriend thinks I lost my true calling to be a librarian."
Explore more quotes by Rita Rudner


"Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?"


"The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down."


"Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?"


"My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head."


"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry."


"My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives."


"Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry."


"I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours."
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