"It pays to get drunk with the best people."

"You only live once - but if you work it right, once is enough."

"There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty."

"You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough."

"Show me a man with very little money and I will show you a bum."

"Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants on."

"The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love."

"I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink."

"Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say I'm thirsty, not dirty."

"I drink to forget I drink."

"I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster."

"I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves."

"If you want to make a dangerous man your friend, let him do you a favor."

"Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to the wrong people."

"Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest."

"I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next to me is Dean Martin."

"A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on."

"I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play."

"It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got money."

"They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses."

"I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would have taken General Custer and given points."

"I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them."

"We can afford almost any mistake once."