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Tommy Cooper

"A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'"

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"A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'"

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Donna Grant

"It is not well to make great changes in old age."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"Rashness belongs to youth; prudence to old age."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"Hesitation increases in relation to risk in equal proportion to age."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"Admiration of the proletariat, like that of dams, power stations, and aeroplanes, is part of the ideology of the machine age."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"To teach how to live without certainty and yet without being paralysed by hesitation is perhaps the chief thing that philosophy, in our age, can do for those who study it."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"No woman should ever be quite accurate about her age. It looks so calculating."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"Wives are young men's mistresses, companions for middle age, and old men's nurses."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"The class distinctions proper to a democratic society are not those of rank or money, still less, as is apt to happen when these are abandoned, of race, but of age."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"Age imprints more wrinkles in the mind than it does on the face."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"Not to expose your true feelings to an adult seems to be instinctive from the age of seven or eight onwards."

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Personal Development

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Tommy Cooper
"So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'"

Car

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Tommy Cooper
"A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'"

Age

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Tommy Cooper
"I went window shopping today! I bought four windows."

Windows

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Tommy Cooper
"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'"

Driving

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Tommy Cooper
"Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off."

Drink

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Tommy Cooper
"I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'"

Kitchen

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Tommy Cooper
"A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'"

Blind

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Tommy Cooper
"Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone."

Night

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Tommy Cooper
"I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure."

Now

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Tommy Cooper
"Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!"

Marriage

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