"A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'"

Age, Old, Opinion, Ugly

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"A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'"

Exlpore more Age quotes

"If youth knew; if age could."

Sigmund Freud, Austrian Psychologist

Age, Youth

"There is no absurdity so palpable but that it may be firmly planted in the human head if you only begin to inculcate it before the age of five, by constantly repeating it with an air of great solemnity."

Arthur Schopenhauer, German Philosopher

Age, Absurdity, May

"Most of the basic material a writer works with is acquired before the age of fifteen."

Willa Cather, American Author

Age, Writer

"Old age and the passage of time teach all things."

Sophocles, Greek Poet

Age, Time, Old

"A whole bunch of months passed and I didn't hear anything and then he emailed and asked if I could do a little piece on POD and Queens of the Stone Age."

Chuck Klosterman, American Critic

Age, Months

"Another belief of mine; that everyone else my age is an adult, whereas I am merely in disguise."

Margaret Atwood, Canadian Novelist

Age, Belief, Disguise

"Not even old age knows how to love death."

Sophocles, Greek Poet

Age, Death, Love, Old

"No lie ever reaches old age."

Sophocles, Greek Poet

Age, Lie, Old

"At college age, you can tell who is best at taking tests and going to school, but you can't tell who the best people are. That worries the hell out of me."

Barnaby C. Keeney, American Educator

Age, People, College, Hell

"The children despise their parents until the age of 40, when they suddenly become just like them thus preserving the system."

Quentin Crewe, British Journalist

Age, Children, Parents

Explore more quotes by Tommy Cooper

"So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'"

Car

"Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off."

Drink

"I went window shopping today! I bought four windows."

Windows

"A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'"

Blind

"So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'"

Building

"Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!"

Marriage

"I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'"

Kitchen

"I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure."

Now

"Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone."

Night

"So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.'"

Thought