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"Atheism is a non-prophet organization."
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"If you can remain as an atheist in a falling plane, then it means you are a real atheist!"

"Atheism is not a philosophy; it is not even a view of the world; it is simply an admission of the obvious. In fact, 'atheism' is a term that should not even exist. No one needs to identify himself as a 'non-astrologer' or a 'non-alchemist.' We do not have words for people who doubt that Elvis is still alive or that aliens have traversed the galaxy only to molest ranchers and cattle. Atheism is nothing more than the noises reasonable people make in the presence of unjustified religious beliefs."

"My feeling is, quite simply, that if there is a God, He has done such a bad jobthat he isn't worth discussing."

"Cos if it's encyclopedias we've got enough, like, information... and if it's God, you've got the wrong house."

"Leaving one religion for the sake of another one is like breaking with a rapist for the sake of dating a misogynist."
Explore more quotes by George Carlin

"TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out to be another day, but we can't be sure. If it happens, I'll be the first to say so. But, you know what? By that time, it'll be today again."

"Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid."

"So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family."

"Words are all we have, really. We have thoughts but thoughts are fluid. Then we assign a word to a thought and we're stuck with that word for that thought, so be careful with words. I like to think that the same words that hurt can heal. It's a matter of how you pick them."

"Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed."

"You show me a lazy prick who's lying in bed all day, watching TV, only occasionally getting up to piss, and I'll show you a guy who's not causing any trouble."
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