Satire Quotes | Beyond Motive 3/3

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Satire Quotes

"The suspense is terrible. I hope it will last."

"The suspense is terrible. I hope it will last."

Oscar Wilde, Irish Dramatist

Satire, Suspense, Irony, Wit, Hope

2

"Does your guilty past catch up so fast with your age? You've been robbing hex nuts, cap nuts, lock nuts and wing nuts. No wonder you have turned into a greedy nut."

"Does your guilty past catch up so fast with your age? You've been robbing hex nuts, cap nuts, lock nuts and wing nuts. No wonder you have turned into a greedy nut."

Angelica Hopes, Swiss Author

Satire, Guilt, Crime, Irony

2

"Fella says today, 'Depression is over. I seen a jackrabbit, an' they wasn't nobody after him.' An' another fella says, 'That aint the reason. Can't afford to kill jackrabbits no more. Catch 'em and milk 'em an' turn 'em loose. One you seen prob'ly gone dry."

"Fella says today, 'Depression is over. I seen a jackrabbit, an' they wasn't nobody after him.' An' another fella says, 'That aint the reason. Can't afford to kill jackrabbits no more. Catch 'em and milk 'em an' turn 'em loose. One you seen prob'ly gone dry."

John Steinbeck, American Author

Satire, Depression, Poverty, Humor, Survival

2

"Canada is a myth people made up to entertain children, like the Tooth Fairy. There's no such place."

"Canada is a myth people made up to entertain children, like the Tooth Fairy. There's no such place."

Christopher Moore, American Novelist

Satire, Canada, Myth, Humor, Sarcasm

2

"Lebanese freedom of speech : You get to say whatever you like as long as the authorities approve of it... Hilarious."

"Lebanese freedom of speech : You get to say whatever you like as long as the authorities approve of it... Hilarious."

Ziad K. Abdelnour, Lebanese Author

Satire, Freedom, Speech, Authority, Irony

2

"He wondered reflectively what would happen if you asked a nun where the Gents was. Probably the Pope sent you a sharp note or something."

"He wondered reflectively what would happen if you asked a nun where the Gents was. Probably the Pope sent you a sharp note or something."

Neil Gaiman, British Author

Satire, Humor, Religion, Authority

2

"I will say further, as an officer of an enormous international conglomerate, that nobody who is doing well in this economy ever even wonders waht is really going on.We are chimpanzees. We are orangutans."

"I will say further, as an officer of an enormous international conglomerate, that nobody who is doing well in this economy ever even wonders waht is really going on.We are chimpanzees. We are orangutans."

Kurt Vonnegut, American Author

Satire, Economy, Ignorance, Truth

2

"If God were good, why would he create Rush Limbaugh?"

"If God were good, why would he create Rush Limbaugh?"

Sherman Alexie, American Writer

Satire, Religion, Humor, Provocation

2

"Nobody's perfect. Well, there was this one guy, but we killed him...."

"Nobody's perfect. Well, there was this one guy, but we killed him...."

Christopher Moore, American Novelist

Satire, Humor, Truth, Cynicism, Sarcasm

2

"We are all brothers under the skin - and I, for one, would be willing to skin humanity to prove it."

"We are all brothers under the skin - and I, for one, would be willing to skin humanity to prove it."

Ayn Rand, Russian Writer

Satire, Brotherhood, Skin, Humanity, Sarcasm

2

"Now-a-days, men wear a fool's cap, and call it a liberty cap."

"Now-a-days, men wear a fool's cap, and call it a liberty cap."

Henry David Thoreau, American Author

Satire, Liberty, Politics, Irony

2

"If I were you, I'd sue my face for slander."

"If I were you, I'd sue my face for slander."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Satire, Humor, Truth, Today, Wisdom

2

"What are American dry-goods? asked the duchess, raising her large hands in wonder and accentuating the verb.American novels, answered Lord Henry."

"What are American dry-goods? asked the duchess, raising her large hands in wonder and accentuating the verb.American novels, answered Lord Henry."

Oscar Wilde, Irish Dramatist

Satire, America, Irony, Culture, Truth

2

"I think that we may safely trust a good deal more than we do."

"I think that we may safely trust a good deal more than we do."

Henry David Thoreau, American Author

Satire, Morality, Animals, Lesson, Story

2

"Or he'd watch the news: more plagues, more famines, more floods, more insect or microbe or small-mammal outbreaks, more droughts, more chickenshit boy-soldier wars in distant countries. Why was everything so much like itself?"

"Or he'd watch the news: more plagues, more famines, more floods, more insect or microbe or small-mammal outbreaks, more droughts, more chickenshit boy-soldier wars in distant countries. Why was everything so much like itself?"

Margaret Atwood, Canadian Novelist

Satire, News, Despair, Disaster, War

2

"Smile for the camera, pretty little Sydney Tar Ponds."

"Smile for the camera, pretty little Sydney Tar Ponds."

Rebecca McNutt, Canadian Author

Satire, Irony, Image, Media, Humor

2

"How many kids are in the Graveyard?""A bunch.""Who sends your supplies?""George Washington. Or is it Abraham Lincoln? I forget.""How often do you receive new arrivals?""About as often as you beat your wife."

"How many kids are in the Graveyard?""A bunch.""Who sends your supplies?""George Washington. Or is it Abraham Lincoln? I forget.""How often do you receive new arrivals?""About as often as you beat your wife."

Neal Shusterman, American Author

Satire, Violence, Dialogue, Irony

2

"The god's chosen beverage. Tremble before the horror of Diet Coke!"

"The god's chosen beverage. Tremble before the horror of Diet Coke!"

Rick Riordan, American Novelist

Satire, Humor, Truth, Life, Happiness

2

"Politics has got so expensive that it takes lots of money to even get beat with."

"Politics has got so expensive that it takes lots of money to even get beat with."

Will Rogers, American Actor

Satire, Politics, Money, Irony, Corruption

2

"I blame feminism and Facebook for the death of the American automobile. I'm a Republican, so I blame everything on feminism - or commies."

"I blame feminism and Facebook for the death of the American automobile. I'm a Republican, so I blame everything on feminism - or commies."

P. J. O'Rourke, American Comedian

Satire, Politics, Blame, Humor, Ideology

2

"He [Old Mr. Turveydrop] was a fat old gentleman with a false complexion, false teeth, false whiskers, and a wig. He had a fur collar, and he had a padded breast to his coat, which only wanted a star or a broad blue ribbon to be complete. He was pinched in, and swelled out, and got up, and strapped down, as much as he could possibly bear."

"He [Old Mr. Turveydrop] was a fat old gentleman with a false complexion, false teeth, false whiskers, and a wig. He had a fur collar, and he had a padded breast to his coat, which only wanted a star or a broad blue ribbon to be complete. He was pinched in, and swelled out, and got up, and strapped down, as much as he could possibly bear."

Charles Dickens, English Novelist

Satire, Appearance, Deception, Humor, Character

2

"I don't want to see him alone. He says things that annoy me. He gives me good advice."

"I don't want to see him alone. He says things that annoy me. He gives me good advice."

Oscar Wilde, Irish Dramatist

Satire, Advice, Alone, Truth, Irony

2

"This nation is like all the others that have been spewed upon the earth - ready to shout for any cause that will tickle its vanity or fill its pocket. What a hell of a heaven it will be when they get all these hypocrites assembled there!"

"This nation is like all the others that have been spewed upon the earth - ready to shout for any cause that will tickle its vanity or fill its pocket. What a hell of a heaven it will be when they get all these hypocrites assembled there!"

Mark Twain, American Author

Satire, Nation, Hypocrisy, Vanity, Money

2

"Carnal embrace is the practice of throwing one's arms around a side of beef."

"Carnal embrace is the practice of throwing one's arms around a side of beef."

Tom Stoppard, English Dramatist

Satire, Humor, Desire, Body

2

"Scandal is gossip made tedious by morality."

"Scandal is gossip made tedious by morality."

Oscar Wilde, Irish Dramatist

Satire, Scandal, Gossip, Morality, Truth

2

"I picked up one of the books and flipped through it. Don't get me wrong, I like reading. But some books should come with warning labels: Caution: contains characters and plots guaranteed to induce sleepiness. Do not attempt to operate heavy machinery after ingesting more than one chapter. Has been known to cause blindness, seizures and a terminal loathing of literature. Should only be taken under the supervision of a highly trained English teacher. Preferably one who grades on the curve."

"I picked up one of the books and flipped through it. Don't get me wrong, I like reading. But some books should come with warning labels: Caution: contains characters and plots guaranteed to induce sleepiness. Do not attempt to operate heavy machinery after ingesting more than one chapter. Has been known to cause blindness, seizures and a terminal loathing of literature. Should only be taken under the supervision of a highly trained English teacher. Preferably one who grades on the curve."

Laurie Halse Anderson, American Author

Satire, Reading, Humor, Sarcasm, Education

1

"You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps."

"You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps."

Ambrose Bierce, American Journalist

Satire, Humor, Religion, Ignorance, Critique

1

"I would later discover it was a bad idea to gather more than two of these people in an enclosed area for any length of time. The stage was not only a physical place but also a state of mind, and the word audience was defined as anyone forced to suffer your company. We young actors were a string of lightbulbs left burning 24 hours a day, exhausting ourselves and others with our self-proclaimed brilliance."

"I would later discover it was a bad idea to gather more than two of these people in an enclosed area for any length of time. The stage was not only a physical place but also a state of mind, and the word audience was defined as anyone forced to suffer your company. We young actors were a string of lightbulbs left burning 24 hours a day, exhausting ourselves and others with our self-proclaimed brilliance."

David Sedaris, American Writer

Satire, Ego, Performance, Youth, Exhaustion

1

"Mr. McGregor's a nasty piece of work, isn't he? Quite the Darth Vader of children's literature."

"Mr. McGregor's a nasty piece of work, isn't he? Quite the Darth Vader of children's literature."

Jasper Fforde, British Novelist

Satire, Humor, Literature, Irony

1

"If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they're happy."

"If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they're happy."

Dorothy Parker, American Poet

Satire, Humor, Writing, Advice

1

"Take a strict view of their excrements, and, from the colour, the odour, the taste, the consistence, the crudeness or maturity of digestion, form a judgment of their thoughts and designs; because men are never so serious, thoughtful, and intent, as when they are at stool..."

"Take a strict view of their excrements, and, from the colour, the odour, the taste, the consistence, the crudeness or maturity of digestion, form a judgment of their thoughts and designs; because men are never so serious, thoughtful, and intent, as when they are at stool..."

Jonathan Swift, Irish Writer

Satire, Behavior, Observation, Absurdity

1

"The difficulty with humourists is that they will mix what they believe with what they don't whichever seems likelier to win an effect."

"The difficulty with humourists is that they will mix what they believe with what they don't whichever seems likelier to win an effect."

John Updike, American Novelist

Satire, Humor, Irony, Belief, Manipulation

1

"I'm selling Jarod's life today. I mean virginity. He has no life. Email admin@allthegoodonesarealreadytaken.com for more information and please try to catch our special delivery at double-price deals, which will be posted somewhere on the internet at random, every other Tuesday, for half a night (on the previous day), unless it's a Saturday, in which case you'll have to wait and hope until the destined day comes and takes you away to heaven, which unfortunately, does not exist, except in the imagination of carefully selected individuals."

"I'm selling Jarod's life today. I mean virginity. He has no life. Email admin@allthegoodonesarealreadytaken.com for more information and please try to catch our special delivery at double-price deals, which will be posted somewhere on the internet at random, every other Tuesday, for half a night (on the previous day), unless it's a Saturday, in which case you'll have to wait and hope until the destined day comes and takes you away to heaven, which unfortunately, does not exist, except in the imagination of carefully selected individuals."

Will Advise, Bulgarian Author

Satire, Virginity, Absurdity, Humor

1

"Kools and Newports were for black people and lower-class whites. Camels were for procrastinators, those who wrote bad poetry, and those who put off writing bad poetry. Merits were for sex addicts, Salems were for alcoholics, and Mores were for people who considered themselves to be outrageous but really weren't."

"Kools and Newports were for black people and lower-class whites. Camels were for procrastinators, those who wrote bad poetry, and those who put off writing bad poetry. Merits were for sex addicts, Salems were for alcoholics, and Mores were for people who considered themselves to be outrageous but really weren't."

David Sedaris, American Writer

Satire, Humor, Class, Culture

1

"There's nothing as useful as the truth, in terms of ruining anyone's day, week, month, year, decade, or life Unless, of course, you own a remotely operated automatic flamethrower-drone-tower and have some marinated pork-chops on your person, to lure unsuspecting dogs in close proximity to it, but since dogs don't really have lives - by using this specific method of torture, you can only improve the remaining few seconds of their existence."

"There's nothing as useful as the truth, in terms of ruining anyone's day, week, month, year, decade, or life Unless, of course, you own a remotely operated automatic flamethrower-drone-tower and have some marinated pork-chops on your person, to lure unsuspecting dogs in close proximity to it, but since dogs don't really have lives - by using this specific method of torture, you can only improve the remaining few seconds of their existence."

Will Advise, Bulgarian Author

Satire, Truth, Humor, Destruction, Morality

1

"He couldn't get into Harvard even if he had the dean's wife at gunpoint."

"He couldn't get into Harvard even if he had the dean's wife at gunpoint."

Dave Barry, American Journalist

Satire, Intelligence, Education, Humor, Insult

1

"U.S. News Organizations observe the anniversary of September 11 with investigations about the nation's continuing vulnerability to terrorism. First, the New York Daily News reports that two of its reporters carried box cutters, razor knives, and pepper spray on fourteen commercial flights without getting caught. Then ABC News reports that it smuggled fifteen pounds of uranium into New York City. Then Fox News reports that it flew Osama bin Laden to Washington, D.C., and videotaped him touring the White House."

"U.S. News Organizations observe the anniversary of September 11 with investigations about the nation's continuing vulnerability to terrorism. First, the New York Daily News reports that two of its reporters carried box cutters, razor knives, and pepper spray on fourteen commercial flights without getting caught. Then ABC News reports that it smuggled fifteen pounds of uranium into New York City. Then Fox News reports that it flew Osama bin Laden to Washington, D.C., and videotaped him touring the White House."

Dave Barry, American Journalist

Satire, News, Security, Terrorism, Observation

1

"Genuinity is mother of stupidity."

"Genuinity is mother of stupidity."

Vikrmn, Indian Author

Satire, Stupidity, Mother, Truth, Irony

1

"New York: A third-rate Babylon."

"New York: A third-rate Babylon."

H. L. Mencken, American Writer

Satire, Critique, Culture, City

1

"He was stupid. If I killed everyone who was stupid, I wouldn't have time to sleep."

"He was stupid. If I killed everyone who was stupid, I wouldn't have time to sleep."

Tamora Pierce, American Author

Satire, Stupidity, Humor, Restraint, Irony

"New Rule: Stop asking Miss USA contestants if they believe in evolution. It's not their field. It's like asking Stephen Hawking if he believes in hair scrunchies. Here's what they know about: spray tans, fake boobs and baton twirling. Here's what they don't know about: everything else. If I cared about the uninformed opinions of some ditsy beauty queen, I'd join the Tea Party."

"New Rule: Stop asking Miss USA contestants if they believe in evolution. It's not their field. It's like asking Stephen Hawking if he believes in hair scrunchies. Here's what they know about: spray tans, fake boobs and baton twirling. Here's what they don't know about: everything else. If I cared about the uninformed opinions of some ditsy beauty queen, I'd join the Tea Party."

Bill Maher, American Comedian

Satire, Politics, Humor, Ignorance

"Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy."

"Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy."

H. L. Mencken, American Writer

Satire, Happiness, Fear, Judgment

"Opera in English is in the main just about as sensible as baseball in Italian."

"Opera in English is in the main just about as sensible as baseball in Italian."

H. L. Mencken, American Writer

Satire, Opera, Baseball, Language, Humor

"New Rule: If an Evangelical tries to use Halloween to pimp Jesus to kids, they get to egg his house. On Halloween, the president of the American Family Association urged his flock to hand out a Christian-based comic book instead of candy. Excuse me, Halloween isn't a time to push your beliefs. You don't see me handing out pot to kids...Okay, well not the little kids."

"New Rule: If an Evangelical tries to use Halloween to pimp Jesus to kids, they get to egg his house. On Halloween, the president of the American Family Association urged his flock to hand out a Christian-based comic book instead of candy. Excuse me, Halloween isn't a time to push your beliefs. You don't see me handing out pot to kids...Okay, well not the little kids."

Bill Maher, American Comedian

Satire, Humor, Observation, Truth, Society

"All we can hope for is that he will fall into the ocean with a bar of soap in his pocket."

"All we can hope for is that he will fall into the ocean with a bar of soap in his pocket."

Eoin Colfer, Irish Author

Satire, Humor, Hope, Accident, Irony

"Kadafi is a zombie in a pillbox hat, that's what he is!"

"Kadafi is a zombie in a pillbox hat, that's what he is!"

Bill Maher, American Comedian

Satire, Humor, Observation, Absurdity, Politics

"And suddenly, from behind me, I hear the metaphysically abrupt arrival of the office boy. I feel like I could kill him for barging in on what I wasn't thinking. I turn around and look at him with a silence full of hatred, tense with latent homicide, my mind already hearing the voice he'll use to tell me something or other. He smiles from the other side of the room and says 'Good afternoon' in a loud voice. I hate him like the universe. My eyes are sore from imagining."

"And suddenly, from behind me, I hear the metaphysically abrupt arrival of the office boy. I feel like I could kill him for barging in on what I wasn't thinking. I turn around and look at him with a silence full of hatred, tense with latent homicide, my mind already hearing the voice he'll use to tell me something or other. He smiles from the other side of the room and says 'Good afternoon' in a loud voice. I hate him like the universe. My eyes are sore from imagining."

Fernando Pessoa, Portuguese Author

Satire, Anger, Imagination, Isolation, Hatred

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