"Take a strict view of their excrements, and, from the colour, the odour, the taste, the consistence, the crudeness or maturity of digestion, form a judgment of their thoughts and designs; because men are never so serious, thoughtful, and intent, as when they are at stool..."

Satire, Behavior, Observation, Absurdity

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"Take a strict view of their excrements, and, from the colour, the odour, the taste, the consistence, the crudeness or maturity of digestion, form a judgment of their thoughts and designs; because men are never so serious, thoughtful, and intent, as when they are at stool..."

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"You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps."

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"Fella says today, 'Depression is over. I seen a jackrabbit, an' they wasn't nobody after him.' An' another fella says, 'That aint the reason. Can't afford to kill jackrabbits no more. Catch 'em and milk 'em an' turn 'em loose. One you seen prob'ly gone dry."

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"The difficulty with humourists is that they will mix what they believe with what they don't whichever seems likelier to win an effect."

John Updike, American Novelist

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"God created war so that Americans would learn geography."

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"Does your guilty past catch up so fast with your age? You've been robbing hex nuts, cap nuts, lock nuts and wing nuts. No wonder you have turned into a greedy nut."

Angelica Hopes, Swiss Author

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"Never make fun of people who are different...unless they have more money, power and influence. Then you must."

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"He wondered reflectively what would happen if you asked a nun where the Gents was. Probably the Pope sent you a sharp note or something."

Neil Gaiman, British Author

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"We are all brothers under the skin - and I, for one, would be willing to skin humanity to prove it."

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Explore more quotes by Jonathan Swift

"Human brutes, like other beasts, find snares and poison in the provision of life, and are allured by their appetites to their destruction."

Life

"Politics, as the word is commonly understood, are nothing but corruptions."

Politics

"Most sorts of diversion in men, children and other animals, are in imitation of fighting."

Man

"Better belly burst than good liquor be lost."

Wisdom

"Men are happy to be laughed at for their humor, but not for their folly."

Man

"The want of belief is a defect that ought to be concealed when it cannot be overcome."

Trust

"Good manners is the art of making those people easy with whom we converse. Whoever makes the fewest people uneasy is the best bred in the room."

Art

"My nose itched, and I knew I should drink wine or kiss a fool."

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"A man should never be ashamed to own that he has been in the wrong, which is but saying... that he is wiser today than yesterday."

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"It is impossible that anything so natural, so necessary, and so universal as death, should ever have been designed by providence as an evil to mankind."

Death