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"Prices of semicolons, plot devices, prologues and inciting incidents continued to fall yesterday, lopping twenty points off the TomJones Index."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I would later discover it was a bad idea to gather more than two of these people in an enclosed area for any length of time. The stage was not only a physical place but also a state of mind, and the word audience was defined as anyone forced to suffer your company. We young actors were a string of lightbulbs left burning 24 hours a day, exhausting ourselves and others with our self-proclaimed brilliance."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Not all. Some of them he probably lectured to death."
Author Name
Personal Development
"There's nothing as useful as the truth, in terms of ruining anyone's day, week, month, year, decade, or life Unless, of course, you own a remotely operated automatic flamethrower-drone-tower and have some marinated pork-chops on your person, to lure unsuspecting dogs in close proximity to it, but since dogs don't really have lives - by using this specific method of torture, you can only improve the remaining few seconds of their existence."
Author Name
Personal Development
"As you know, the International Poker Tour, by its own admission, knows very little about poker games, one of which ended tragically last week when an IPT-sanctioned tournament aboard a yacht in Australia accidentally used tarot cards instead of playing cards. That's right, it's true! Apparently no one noticed until someone laid down a full house and the dealer died."
Author Name
Personal Development
"We're roughage," Tyger said. "If we don't cause a little intestinal distress, no one knows we're there."
Author Name
Personal Development
"You're still here. No beer. I'm not corrupting a minor." a minor," she pointed out. "At least for beer.""Yeah, and by the way, how much does it suck that I'm an adult if I kill somebody, and I'm not if I want a beer?"
Author Name
Personal Development
"If you gave [Jerry] Falwell an enema he could be buried in a matchbox."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The difficulty with humourists is that they will mix what they believe with what they don't whichever seems likelier to win an effect."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Fella says today, 'Depression is over. I seen a jackrabbit, an' they wasn't nobody after him.' An' another fella says, 'That aint the reason. Can't afford to kill jackrabbits no more. Catch 'em and milk 'em an' turn 'em loose. One you seen prob'ly gone dry."
Author Name
Personal Development
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"Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another."
Love
"Indeed it may be said with some confidence that the average man never really thinks from end to end of his life. There are moments when his cogitations are relatively more respectable than usual, but even at their climaxes they never reach anything properly describable as the level of serious thought. The mental activity of such people is only a mouthing of clichés. What they mistake for thought is simply a repetition of what they have heard. My guess is that well over eighty per cent. of the human race goes through life without having a single original thought. That is to say, they never think anything that has not been thought before and by thousands."
Philosophy
"Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats."
Perception
"Temptation is an irresistible force at work on a movable body."
Temptation
"No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes that she were not."
Reflection
"I hate all sports as rabidly as a person who likes sports hates common sense."
Society
"Explanations exist; they have existed for all time; there is always a well-known solution to every human problem-neat, plausible, and wrong."
Philosophy
"The plain fact is that education is itself a form of propaganda - a deliberate scheme to outfit the pupil, not with the capacity to weigh ideas, but with a simple appetite for gulping ideas ready-made. The aim is to make 'good' citizens, which is to say, docile and uninquisitive citizens."
Education
"Communism, like any other revealed religion, is largely made up of prophecies."
Politics
"Character in decay is the theme of the great bulk of superior fiction."
Literature
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