"He couldn't get into Harvard even if he had the dean's wife at gunpoint."

Satire, Intelligence, Education, Humor, Insult

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"He couldn't get into Harvard even if he had the dean's wife at gunpoint."

Exlpore more Satire quotes

"NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi."

Ambrose Bierce, American Journalist

Satire, Russia, Denial, Irony, Humor

"Hurry, your imaginary heaven is calling you up, my dear holier-than-thou religious nuts."

Fakeer Ishavardas, Indian Spiritual Leader

Satire, Religion, Critique, Faith

"And his computer's spell-check always forces him to capitalize the word "Internet". Come on; World War Two earned it's capitalization. The Internet just sucks human beings away from reality."

Doug Coupland, Canadian Author

Satire, Technology, Isolation, Reality, Critique

"Happiness is a good business these days, more you talk crap about happiness the large number of crowd you will gather."

Santosh Kalwar, Nepalese Poet

Satire, Happiness, Business, Irony, Truth

"Blessed are the meek, for to them we shall say 'attaboy'."

Christopher Moore, American Novelist

Satire, Religion, Irony, Humor

"It is difficult not to write satire."

Juvenal, Roman Poet

Satire,

"Logically enough, the office and the nunnery have been singularly popular in the imaginations of pornographers. We should not be surprised to learn that the erotic novels of the early modern period were overwhelmingly focused on debauchery and flagellation amongst clergy in vespers and chapels, just as contemporary Internet pornography is inordinately concerned with fellatios and sodomies performed by office workers against a backdrop of work stations and computer equipment."

Alain de Botton, English Writer

Satire, Religion, Office, Society, Irony

"Cervantes smiled Spain's chivalry away; A single laugh demolished the right arm Of his country."

George Byron, Scottish Poet

Satire, Chivalry, Country, Right, Spain

"Pray don't talk to me about the weather, Mr. Worthing. Whenever people talk to me about the weather, I always feel quite certain that they mean something else. And that makes me quite nervous."

Oscar Wilde, Irish Dramatist

Satire, Weather, Irony, Speech, Fear

"Punctuality is the thief of time."

Oscar Wilde, Irish Dramatist

Satire, Time, Loss, Truth, Irony

Explore more quotes by Dave Barry

"Maybe somebody finally shot the dog."

Sadness

"We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail."

Duty

"Miami drivers will attempt to pass you inside a car wash."

Driving

"I love the Olympics, because they enable people from all over the world to come together and--regardless of their political or cultural differences--accuse each other of cheating."

Competition

"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night."

Circumstance

"The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl."

Building

"The best baby-sitters, of course, are the baby's grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida."

Grandparents

"Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects."

Statistics

"It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells... to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin."

Fact

"The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates."

Death