"I blame feminism and Facebook for the death of the American automobile. I'm a Republican, so I blame everything on feminism - or commies."

Satire, Politics, Blame, Humor, Ideology

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"I blame feminism and Facebook for the death of the American automobile. I'm a Republican, so I blame everything on feminism - or commies."

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"Most politicians lie for the same reason a monkey swings by his tail, which is to say because he can."

Stephen King, American Author

Satire, Politics, Truth, Wisdom, Power

"Piracy n: commerce without its folly-swaddles - just as God made it."

Ambrose Bierce, American Journalist

Satire, Commerce, Freedom, God

"Or he'd watch the news: more plagues, more famines, more floods, more insect or microbe or small-mammal outbreaks, more droughts, more chickenshit boy-soldier wars in distant countries. Why was everything so much like itself?"

Margaret Atwood, Canadian Novelist

Satire, News, Despair, Disaster, War

"New York is a sucked orange."

Ralph Waldo Emerson, American Poet

Satire, City, Metaphor

"Fella says today, 'Depression is over. I seen a jackrabbit, an' they wasn't nobody after him.' An' another fella says, 'That aint the reason. Can't afford to kill jackrabbits no more. Catch 'em and milk 'em an' turn 'em loose. One you seen prob'ly gone dry."

John Steinbeck, American Author

Satire, Depression, Poverty, Humor, Survival

"On the Kite, the situation was being 'workshopped'. This is the means by which people who don't know anything get together to pool their ignorance."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Satire, Ignorance, Truth, Idea, Action

"Scandal is gossip made tedious by morality."

Oscar Wilde, Irish Dramatist

Satire, Scandal, Gossip, Morality, Truth

"I'm joking when I say I'm the grand-pop of those claiming to be an avatar-messiah or god. But if they're serious, then, I am who I am."

Fakeer Ishavardas, Indian Spiritual Leader

Satire, Humor, Ego, Truth, Delusion

"Alas! with all her reasoning, she found, that to retentive feelings eight years may be little more than nothing."

Jane Austen, British Writer

Satire, Humor, Gender, Science, Men

"He wondered reflectively what would happen if you asked a nun where the Gents was. Probably the Pope sent you a sharp note or something."

Neil Gaiman, British Author

Satire, Humor, Religion, Authority

Explore more quotes by P. J. O'Rourke

"Never fight an inanimate object."

Humor

"Ideology, politics and journalism, which luxuriate in failure, are impotent in the face of hope and joy."

Society

"The Nobel Peace Prize has always been a joke - albeit a grim one. Alfred Bernhard Nobel famously invented dynamite and felt sorry about it."

History

"If death weren't around to 'finalize' the Darwinian process, we'd all still be amoebas."

Science

"Public schools helped create the idea of America and inculcate Americans with a few rudiments of knowledge. To judge by that very American item, the Internet, a few rudiments is all anyone cares to have."

Education

"If we heard that somebody starved to death in Sweden or Switzerland, we would be shocked."

Society

"Positive rights are the right to shelter, the right to education, the right to health care, the right to a living wage. These things are - these are, I would call them, more properly, political rights rather than positive rights. And they are extremely tricky, because now we are dealing with things that are zero sum."

Rights

"Explosion of positive rights started in 1932 with the election of Roosevelt."

Legislation

"In Israel, waves of anger and fear circulate all the time, but so do jokes and gossip and silky evening breezes. So, too, in America."

Society

"We loved cars until the '70s or so. Then they became appliances. They turned into motorized cup holders. Most of it has to do with urban sprawl. What began as pleasure ends up in necessity, as so many things do."

Lifestyle