"You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps."

Satire, Humor, Religion, Ignorance, Critique

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"You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps."

Exlpore more Satire quotes

"Most politicians lie for the same reason a monkey swings by his tail, which is to say because he can."

Stephen King, American Author

Satire, Politics, Truth, Wisdom, Power

"Or he'd watch the news: more plagues, more famines, more floods, more insect or microbe or small-mammal outbreaks, more droughts, more chickenshit boy-soldier wars in distant countries. Why was everything so much like itself?"

Margaret Atwood, Canadian Novelist

Satire, News, Despair, Disaster, War

"New York is a sucked orange."

Ralph Waldo Emerson, American Poet

Satire, City, Metaphor

"Fella says today, 'Depression is over. I seen a jackrabbit, an' they wasn't nobody after him.' An' another fella says, 'That aint the reason. Can't afford to kill jackrabbits no more. Catch 'em and milk 'em an' turn 'em loose. One you seen prob'ly gone dry."

John Steinbeck, American Author

Satire, Depression, Poverty, Humor, Survival

"On the Kite, the situation was being 'workshopped'. This is the means by which people who don't know anything get together to pool their ignorance."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Satire, Ignorance, Truth, Idea, Action

"I'm joking when I say I'm the grand-pop of those claiming to be an avatar-messiah or god. But if they're serious, then, I am who I am."

Fakeer Ishavardas, Indian Spiritual Leader

Satire, Humor, Ego, Truth, Delusion

"He wondered reflectively what would happen if you asked a nun where the Gents was. Probably the Pope sent you a sharp note or something."

Neil Gaiman, British Author

Satire, Humor, Religion, Authority

"The whole theory of modern education is radically unsound. Fortunately in England, at any rate, education produces no effect whatsoever. If it did, it would prove a serious danger to the upper classes, and probably lead to acts of violence in Grosvenor Square."

Oscar Wilde, Irish Dramatist

Satire, Education, Truth, Danger, Effect

"As you know, the International Poker Tour, by its own admission, knows very little about poker games, one of which ended tragically last week when an IPT-sanctioned tournament aboard a yacht in Australia accidentally used tarot cards instead of playing cards. That's right, it's true! Apparently no one noticed until someone laid down a full house and the dealer died."

Elle Lothlorien, American Novelist

Satire, Absurdity, Failure, Comedy

"A fishing-rod was a stick with a hook at one end and a fool at the other."

Samuel Johnson, English Author

Satire, Fool, Fishing, Humor, Irony

Explore more quotes by Ambrose Bierce

"Life - a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay."

Life

"Duty - that which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire."

Desire

"Prejudice is a vagrant opinion without visible means of support."

Society

"Experience - the wisdom that enables us to recognise in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced."

Wisdom

"Prejudice - a vagrant opinion without visible means of support."

Opinion

"Painting n: the art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic."

Painting

"Bigot: One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain."

Opinion

"An egotist is a person of low taste - more interested in himself than in me."

Vanity

"Admiration: Our polite recognition of another man's resemblance to ourselves."

Humor

"Pray v: to ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy."

Prayer