"U.S. News Organizations observe the anniversary of September 11 with investigations about the nation's continuing vulnerability to terrorism. First, the New York Daily News reports that two of its reporters carried box cutters, razor knives, and pepper spray on fourteen commercial flights without getting caught. Then ABC News reports that it smuggled fifteen pounds of uranium into New York City. Then Fox News reports that it flew Osama bin Laden to Washington, D.C., and videotaped him touring the White House."

Satire, News, Security, Terrorism, Observation

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"U.S. News Organizations observe the anniversary of September 11 with investigations about the nation's continuing vulnerability to terrorism. First, the New York Daily News reports that two of its reporters carried box cutters, razor knives, and pepper spray on fourteen commercial flights without getting caught. Then ABC News reports that it smuggled fifteen pounds of uranium into New York City. Then Fox News reports that it flew Osama bin Laden to Washington, D.C., and videotaped him touring the White House."

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Explore more quotes by Dave Barry

"Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting."

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"American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it."

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"The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes."

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"If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland."

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"The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot."

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"The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only one example."

Science

"If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'"

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