"All we can hope for is that he will fall into the ocean with a bar of soap in his pocket."

Satire, Humor, Hope, Accident, Irony

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"All we can hope for is that he will fall into the ocean with a bar of soap in his pocket."

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"NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi."

Ambrose Bierce, American Journalist

Satire, Russia, Denial, Irony, Humor

"Hurry, your imaginary heaven is calling you up, my dear holier-than-thou religious nuts."

Fakeer Ishavardas, Indian Spiritual Leader

Satire, Religion, Critique, Faith

"And his computer's spell-check always forces him to capitalize the word "Internet". Come on; World War Two earned it's capitalization. The Internet just sucks human beings away from reality."

Doug Coupland, Canadian Author

Satire, Technology, Isolation, Reality, Critique

"Happiness is a good business these days, more you talk crap about happiness the large number of crowd you will gather."

Santosh Kalwar, Nepalese Poet

Satire, Happiness, Business, Irony, Truth

"Blessed are the meek, for to them we shall say 'attaboy'."

Christopher Moore, American Novelist

Satire, Religion, Irony, Humor

"It is difficult not to write satire."

Juvenal, Roman Poet

Satire,

"Logically enough, the office and the nunnery have been singularly popular in the imaginations of pornographers. We should not be surprised to learn that the erotic novels of the early modern period were overwhelmingly focused on debauchery and flagellation amongst clergy in vespers and chapels, just as contemporary Internet pornography is inordinately concerned with fellatios and sodomies performed by office workers against a backdrop of work stations and computer equipment."

Alain de Botton, English Writer

Satire, Religion, Office, Society, Irony

"Cervantes smiled Spain's chivalry away; A single laugh demolished the right arm Of his country."

George Byron, Scottish Poet

Satire, Chivalry, Country, Right, Spain

"Pray don't talk to me about the weather, Mr. Worthing. Whenever people talk to me about the weather, I always feel quite certain that they mean something else. And that makes me quite nervous."

Oscar Wilde, Irish Dramatist

Satire, Weather, Irony, Speech, Fear

"Punctuality is the thief of time."

Oscar Wilde, Irish Dramatist

Satire, Time, Loss, Truth, Irony

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"This was business."

Work

"She held out a small voice recorder. 'By the way, could you describe exactly how you felt at the moment of impact? I'm writing this short story--'Put that away, Hazel,' hissed Mam. 'The poor boy is in pain.'Hazel persisted. 'Would that be a white-hot pain? Or more of a dull throbbing pain?"

Creativity

"Artemis: 'Right, brothers. Onward. Imagine yourself seated at a cafe in Montmartre.'Myles: 'In Paris.'Artemis: 'Yes, Paris. And try as you will, you cannot attract the waiter's attention. What do you do?'Beckett: 'Umm...tell Butler to jump-jump-jump on his head?'Myles: 'I agree with simple-toon.'Artemis: 'No! You simply raise one finger and say clearly 'ici, garcon.'Beckett: 'Itchy what?"

Wit

"Naturally, we lunatics are the kindest of the bunch."

Humanity

"It's like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget."

Imagination

"Other men look up and down, left and right; but men like us are different. We are visionaries."

Vision

"The Theory of Evolution has more holes in it than a dam made out of Swiss cheese."

Science

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"NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi."

"Hurry, your imaginary heaven is calling you up, my dear holier-than-thou religious nuts."

"And his computer's spell-check always forces him to capitalize the word "Internet". Come on; World War Two earned it's capitalization. The Internet just sucks human beings away from reality."

"Happiness is a good business these days, more you talk crap about happiness the large number of crowd you will gather."

"Blessed are the meek, for to them we shall say 'attaboy'."

"It is difficult not to write satire."

"Cervantes smiled Spain's chivalry away; A single laugh demolished the right arm Of his country."

"Pray don't talk to me about the weather, Mr. Worthing. Whenever people talk to me about the weather, I always feel quite certain that they mean something else. And that makes me quite nervous."

"Punctuality is the thief of time."

Explore more quotes by Eoin Colfer

"This was business."

"She held out a small voice recorder. 'By the way, could you describe exactly how you felt at the moment of impact? I'm writing this short story--'Put that away, Hazel,' hissed Mam. 'The poor boy is in pain.'Hazel persisted. 'Would that be a white-hot pain? Or more of a dull throbbing pain?"

"Meg and Belch only had eyes for each other. Not in the usual romantic sense."

"I don't suppose you would consider peaceful surrender?"

"Genius inspires resentment. A sad fact of life."

"Naturally, we lunatics are the kindest of the bunch."

"It's like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget."

"Other men look up and down, left and right; but men like us are different. We are visionaries."

"The Theory of Evolution has more holes in it than a dam made out of Swiss cheese."