"All we can hope for is that he will fall into the ocean with a bar of soap in his pocket."

Satire, Humor, Hope, Accident, Irony

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"All we can hope for is that he will fall into the ocean with a bar of soap in his pocket."

Exlpore more Satire quotes

"Most politicians lie for the same reason a monkey swings by his tail, which is to say because he can."

Stephen King, American Author

Satire, Politics, Truth, Wisdom, Power

"Or he'd watch the news: more plagues, more famines, more floods, more insect or microbe or small-mammal outbreaks, more droughts, more chickenshit boy-soldier wars in distant countries. Why was everything so much like itself?"

Margaret Atwood, Canadian Novelist

Satire, News, Despair, Disaster, War

"New York is a sucked orange."

Ralph Waldo Emerson, American Poet

Satire, City, Metaphor

"Fella says today, 'Depression is over. I seen a jackrabbit, an' they wasn't nobody after him.' An' another fella says, 'That aint the reason. Can't afford to kill jackrabbits no more. Catch 'em and milk 'em an' turn 'em loose. One you seen prob'ly gone dry."

John Steinbeck, American Author

Satire, Depression, Poverty, Humor, Survival

"On the Kite, the situation was being 'workshopped'. This is the means by which people who don't know anything get together to pool their ignorance."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Satire, Ignorance, Truth, Idea, Action

"Scandal is gossip made tedious by morality."

Oscar Wilde, Irish Dramatist

Satire, Scandal, Gossip, Morality, Truth

"I'm joking when I say I'm the grand-pop of those claiming to be an avatar-messiah or god. But if they're serious, then, I am who I am."

Fakeer Ishavardas, Indian Spiritual Leader

Satire, Humor, Ego, Truth, Delusion

"He wondered reflectively what would happen if you asked a nun where the Gents was. Probably the Pope sent you a sharp note or something."

Neil Gaiman, British Author

Satire, Humor, Religion, Authority

"The whole theory of modern education is radically unsound. Fortunately in England, at any rate, education produces no effect whatsoever. If it did, it would prove a serious danger to the upper classes, and probably lead to acts of violence in Grosvenor Square."

Oscar Wilde, Irish Dramatist

Satire, Education, Truth, Danger, Effect

"Nobody's perfect. Well, there was this one guy, but we killed him...."

Christopher Moore, American Novelist

Satire, Humor, Truth, Cynicism, Sarcasm

Explore more quotes by Eoin Colfer

"Orion nodded, then asked, 'Dwarf cheese?'Cheese made by dwarfs.'Oh, said Orion, relieved. 'They make it. It's not actually . . .'No. What a horrible thought.'Exactly."

Humor

"Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know."

Knowledge

"Sometimes Spiro missed the times when a troublesome worker was thrown out of a high window and that was the end of him. These days, if you threw someone out of a window, they'd phone their lawyer on the way down."

Comedy

"Excuse me, Captain. Are you two going to weep salty tears of admiration over a helmet all night, or do we have matters to discuss?"

Conflict

"Well, I don't like the first bit and I don't know the last bit. So I'm really hoping the middle bit is exceptional."

Expectation

"If you were me, then I'd be you, and if I were you, then I'd hide somewhere far away."

Confusion

"You know, Miss Holly, you look very dramatic like that, backlit by the fire. Very attractive, if I may say so. I know you shared a moment passionne with Artemis which he subsequently fouled up with his typical boorish behavior. Let me just throw something out there for you to consider while we're chasing the probe: I share Artemis's passion but not his boorishness. No pressure; just think about it.This was enough to elicit a deafening moment of silence even in the middle of a crisis, which Orion seemed to be blissfully unaffected by."

Romance

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Exlpore more Satire quotes

"Most politicians lie for the same reason a monkey swings by his tail, which is to say because he can."

"Or he'd watch the news: more plagues, more famines, more floods, more insect or microbe or small-mammal outbreaks, more droughts, more chickenshit boy-soldier wars in distant countries. Why was everything so much like itself?"

"New York is a sucked orange."

"Fella says today, 'Depression is over. I seen a jackrabbit, an' they wasn't nobody after him.' An' another fella says, 'That aint the reason. Can't afford to kill jackrabbits no more. Catch 'em and milk 'em an' turn 'em loose. One you seen prob'ly gone dry."

"On the Kite, the situation was being 'workshopped'. This is the means by which people who don't know anything get together to pool their ignorance."

"Scandal is gossip made tedious by morality."

"I'm joking when I say I'm the grand-pop of those claiming to be an avatar-messiah or god. But if they're serious, then, I am who I am."

"He wondered reflectively what would happen if you asked a nun where the Gents was. Probably the Pope sent you a sharp note or something."

"The whole theory of modern education is radically unsound. Fortunately in England, at any rate, education produces no effect whatsoever. If it did, it would prove a serious danger to the upper classes, and probably lead to acts of violence in Grosvenor Square."

"Nobody's perfect. Well, there was this one guy, but we killed him...."

Explore more quotes by Eoin Colfer

"Orion nodded, then asked, 'Dwarf cheese?'Cheese made by dwarfs.'Oh, said Orion, relieved. 'They make it. It's not actually . . .'No. What a horrible thought.'Exactly."

"Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know."

"Sometimes Spiro missed the times when a troublesome worker was thrown out of a high window and that was the end of him. These days, if you threw someone out of a window, they'd phone their lawyer on the way down."

"Ignorance, as they say, is usually fatal, but sometimes it can be bliss."

"Good. Illegal is always faster."

"Today he became a killer, or else a corpse."

"Excuse me, Captain. Are you two going to weep salty tears of admiration over a helmet all night, or do we have matters to discuss?"

"Well, I don't like the first bit and I don't know the last bit. So I'm really hoping the middle bit is exceptional."

"If you were me, then I'd be you, and if I were you, then I'd hide somewhere far away."