"Carnal embrace is the practice of throwing one's arms around a side of beef."

Satire, Humor, Desire, Body

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"Carnal embrace is the practice of throwing one's arms around a side of beef."

Exlpore more Satire quotes

"A distinguished clergyman told me that he chose the profession of a clergyman because it afforded the most leisure for literary pursuits. I would recommend to him the profession of a governor."

Henry David Thoreau, American Author

Satire, Leisure, Writing, Literature, Profession

"Most politicians lie for the same reason a monkey swings by his tail, which is to say because he can."

Stephen King, American Author

Satire, Politics, Truth, Wisdom, Power

"Piracy n: commerce without its folly-swaddles - just as God made it."

Ambrose Bierce, American Journalist

Satire, Commerce, Freedom, God

"Or he'd watch the news: more plagues, more famines, more floods, more insect or microbe or small-mammal outbreaks, more droughts, more chickenshit boy-soldier wars in distant countries. Why was everything so much like itself?"

Margaret Atwood, Canadian Novelist

Satire, News, Despair, Disaster, War

"Shall I ask you how the church is to be filled, if a man is neither to take orders with a living, nor without?"

Jane Austen, British Writer

Satire, Insult, Humor, Masculinity, Absurdity

"New York is a sucked orange."

Ralph Waldo Emerson, American Poet

Satire, City, Metaphor

"Fella says today, 'Depression is over. I seen a jackrabbit, an' they wasn't nobody after him.' An' another fella says, 'That aint the reason. Can't afford to kill jackrabbits no more. Catch 'em and milk 'em an' turn 'em loose. One you seen prob'ly gone dry."

John Steinbeck, American Author

Satire, Depression, Poverty, Humor, Survival

"Now-a-days, men wear a fool's cap, and call it a liberty cap."

Henry David Thoreau, American Author

Satire, Liberty, Politics, Irony

"On the Kite, the situation was being 'workshopped'. This is the means by which people who don't know anything get together to pool their ignorance."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Satire, Ignorance, Truth, Idea, Action

"You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps."

Ambrose Bierce, American Journalist

Satire, Humor, Religion, Ignorance, Critique

Explore more quotes by Tom Stoppard

"Life in a box is better than no life at all... I expect."

Life

"Age is a very high price to pay for maturity."

Age

"Comparing what we're looking for misses the point. It's wanting to know that makes us matter. Otherwise we're going out the way we came in. That's why you can't believe in the afterlife, Valentine. Believe in the after, by all means, but not the life. Believe in God, the soul, the spirit, the infinite, believe in angels if you like, but not in the great celestial get-together for an exchange of views. If the answers are in the back of the book I can wait, but what a drag. Better to struggle on knowing that failure is final."

Inquiry

"Like almost everything else from the West, the Romantic Revolution arrived late in Russia."

Culture

"You can't treat royalty like people with normal perverted desires."

Society

"He could not put down a word without suspecting that it might be the wrong one and that if he held back for another day the intermediate experience would provide the right one. There was no end to that, and Moon fearfully glimpsed himself as a pure writer who after a lifetime of absolutely no output whatsoever, would prepare on his deathbed the single sentence which was the distillation of everything he had saved up, and die before he was able to utter it."

Art

"The bad end unhappily, the good unluckily. That is what tragedy means."

End

"The truth is, we value your company, for want of any other. We have been left so much to our own devices-after a while one welcomes the uncertainty of being left to other people's."

Relationship

"When you stir your rice pudding, Septimus, the spoonful of jam spreads itself round making red trails like the picture of a meteor in my astronomical atlas. But if you stir backwards, the jam will not come together again. Indeed, the pudding does not notice and continues to turn pink just as before. Do you think this is odd?"

Education

"GUIL (quietly): Where we went wrong was getting on a boat. We can move, of course, change direction, rattle about, but our movement is contained within a larger one that carries us along as inexorably as the wind and current."

Mindset