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"I'm selling Jarod's life today. I mean virginity. He has no life. Email admin@allthegoodonesarealreadytaken.com for more information and please try to catch our special delivery at double-price deals, which will be posted somewhere on the internet at random, every other Tuesday, for half a night (on the previous day), unless it's a Saturday, in which case you'll have to wait and hope until the destined day comes and takes you away to heaven, which unfortunately, does not exist, except in the imagination of carefully selected individuals."
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"Fella says today, 'Depression is over. I seen a jackrabbit, an' they wasn't nobody after him.' An' another fella says, 'That aint the reason. Can't afford to kill jackrabbits no more. Catch 'em and milk 'em an' turn 'em loose. One you seen prob'ly gone dry."

"The difficulty with humourists is that they will mix what they believe with what they don't whichever seems likelier to win an effect."

"We're roughage," Tyger said. "If we don't cause a little intestinal distress, no one knows we're there."
Explore more quotes by Will Advise

"Dark alleys, like social networks, are romantic, because you never know what might happen while I perform there every Caturday night. Cats do know, but won't tell. So don't even ask."

"A book about books is like a poem about poetry:Books are knowledge, paid for, all.Readers - horses in a stall.Stallions should always run.Lest they stale become, in turn.Running waters are most clear.In some books, you disappear "lose yourself, and track of time.How I wish that one was mine...Mine, to have, to write, to read...Mine, just like a flying steed.Mine, forever, - to improve.Would I then, of me, approve?I would not, I can't... myself.I'm but dust, swept off a shelf.Fly, can I, just 'til I'm settled,down, beside my flower, petalled."

"The way to be invisible - is to truly be imaginary. But since you cannot imagine yourself, you have to clone your imagination into being an image of yourself. Imagine that."

"Prosperity is always built on slave labor. Ask any Ameri-can't. Or Bulgari-can. Yes, we can, eat from a trash can..."

"I don't sleep. I just let my body lie itself into numbness and lie to myself that I can't hear, see, or feel anything."

"Translating from #cat is easy - you just ignore everything, then you decide what you want it to have said, thought, or wanted."

"Social networks are so full of wasted time - they could be compared to a waste disposal system. Flush, before you go and waste no time to go."

"I sometimes go to a mythical place called 'workplace', where the doable is always unpassable as possible, especially when it pisses you off."

"In days long past, Jarod said he'd write a sentence about my love, translated in Russian, and that sentence, like my love, is clearly not for sale, unlike his virginity, or this book, which I'm both offering at ten times the market value, so hurry up and buy now, before it goes down."
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