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"I'm selling Jarod's life today. I mean virginity. He has no life. Email admin@allthegoodonesarealreadytaken.com for more information and please try to catch our special delivery at double-price deals, which will be posted somewhere on the internet at random, every other Tuesday, for half a night (on the previous day), unless it's a Saturday, in which case you'll have to wait and hope until the destined day comes and takes you away to heaven, which unfortunately, does not exist, except in the imagination of carefully selected individuals."
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"NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi."
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"Hurry, your imaginary heaven is calling you up, my dear holier-than-thou religious nuts."
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"And his computer's spell-check always forces him to capitalize the word "Internet". Come on; World War Two earned it's capitalization. The Internet just sucks human beings away from reality."
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"Happiness is a good business these days, more you talk crap about happiness the large number of crowd you will gather."
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"Blessed are the meek, for to them we shall say 'attaboy'."
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"It is difficult not to write satire."
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"Logically enough, the office and the nunnery have been singularly popular in the imaginations of pornographers. We should not be surprised to learn that the erotic novels of the early modern period were overwhelmingly focused on debauchery and flagellation amongst clergy in vespers and chapels, just as contemporary Internet pornography is inordinately concerned with fellatios and sodomies performed by office workers against a backdrop of work stations and computer equipment."
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"Cervantes smiled Spain's chivalry away; A single laugh demolished the right arm Of his country."
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"Pray don't talk to me about the weather, Mr. Worthing. Whenever people talk to me about the weather, I always feel quite certain that they mean something else. And that makes me quite nervous."
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"Punctuality is the thief of time."
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"I think she's too single for me, and she thinks I'm with two other people. She also thinks she thinks, I think."
Confusion
"If I were offering hip replacement services I'd use Jarod Kintz as my spokesman. No one can possibly be better than him, to replace the missing spoke in your wheels."
Humor
"If it's public, it's not bonding."
Privacy
"Rain is the purest of natural happenings."
Purity
"Youir're doing this wrong."
Correction
"The meaning of life is to make life be more."
Meaning
"The love of one cat simply can't be compared with the love of another.."
Pets
"To fix hearts one must know one's own."
Healing
"Being skilled in Catsism is like being a ninja only deadlier and not so silent. The only bad thing is the sickening grammar you have to use."
Nonsense
"One must be a lotus to emerge from mucky waters clean."
Purity
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