top of page
.png){kind=small}
More
"A distinguished clergyman told me that he chose the profession of a clergyman because it afforded the most leisure for literary pursuits. I would recommend to him the profession of a governor."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Most politicians lie for the same reason a monkey swings by his tail, which is to say because he can."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Piracy n: commerce without its folly-swaddles - just as God made it."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Or he'd watch the news: more plagues, more famines, more floods, more insect or microbe or small-mammal outbreaks, more droughts, more chickenshit boy-soldier wars in distant countries. Why was everything so much like itself?"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Shall I ask you how the church is to be filled, if a man is neither to take orders with a living, nor without?"
Author Name
Personal Development
"New York is a sucked orange."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Fella says today, 'Depression is over. I seen a jackrabbit, an' they wasn't nobody after him.' An' another fella says, 'That aint the reason. Can't afford to kill jackrabbits no more. Catch 'em and milk 'em an' turn 'em loose. One you seen prob'ly gone dry."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Now-a-days, men wear a fool's cap, and call it a liberty cap."
Author Name
Personal Development
"On the Kite, the situation was being 'workshopped'. This is the means by which people who don't know anything get together to pool their ignorance."
Author Name
Personal Development
"You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps."
Author Name
Personal Development
More
"It is hard for the ape to believe he descended from man."
Evolution
"Nevertheless, it is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man."
Reflection
"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary."
Politics
"Life is a dead-end street."
Life
"I confess I enjoy democracy immensely. It is incomparably idiotic, and hence incomparably amusing."
Democracy
"Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses."
Democracy
"It is impossible to imagine the universe run by a wise, just and omnipotent God, but it is quite easy to imagine it run by a board of gods."
Religion
"A church is a place in which gentlemen who have never been to heaven brag about it to persons who will never get there."
Religion
"No one in this world has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people. Nor has anyone ever lost public office thereby."
Unity
"The theory seems to be that as long as a man is a failure he is one of God's children, but that as soon as he succeeds he is taken over by the Devil."
Success
bottom of page