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"Politics has got so expensive that it takes lots of money to even get beat with."
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"A distinguished clergyman told me that he chose the profession of a clergyman because it afforded the most leisure for literary pursuits. I would recommend to him the profession of a governor."
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"This book was written using 100% recycled words."
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"Punctuality is the thief of time."
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"U.S. News Organizations observe the anniversary of September 11 with investigations about the nation's continuing vulnerability to terrorism. First, the New York Daily News reports that two of its reporters carried box cutters, razor knives, and pepper spray on fourteen commercial flights without getting caught. Then ABC News reports that it smuggled fifteen pounds of uranium into New York City. Then Fox News reports that it flew Osama bin Laden to Washington, D.C., and videotaped him touring the White House."
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"The difficulty with humourists is that they will mix what they believe with what they don't whichever seems likelier to win an effect."
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"He couldn't get into Harvard even if he had the dean's wife at gunpoint."
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"I come here with no expectations, only to profess, now that I am at liberty to do so, that my heart is and always will be...yours."
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"New York: A third-rate Babylon."
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Personal Development
"He [Old Mr. Turveydrop] was a fat old gentleman with a false complexion, false teeth, false whiskers, and a wig. He had a fur collar, and he had a padded breast to his coat, which only wanted a star or a broad blue ribbon to be complete. He was pinched in, and swelled out, and got up, and strapped down, as much as he could possibly bear."
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"The troops and their ladies had first drunk champagne. There were also remains of sandwiches, and I stepped on one, which I think was either cucumber or watercress. I scraped it off on the curbing, left it there for germs. I'll tell you this, though: No germ is going to leave the Solar System eating sissy stuff like that.Plutonium! Now there's the stuff to put hair on a microbe's chest."
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Explore more quotes by Will Rogers
"In Hollywood the woods are full of people that learned to write but evidently can't read. If they could read their stuff, they'd stop writing."
People
"If advertisers spent the same amount of money on improving their products as they do on advertising then they wouldn't have to advertise them."
Money
"So let's be honest with ourselves and not take ourselves too serious, and never condemn the other fellow for doing what we are doing every day, only in a different way."
Day
"When you put down the good things you ought to have done and leave out the bad things you did do - well that's memoirs."
Writing
"Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects."
Ignorance
"Chaotic action is preferable to orderly inaction."
Action
"Buy land. They ain't making any more of the stuff."
Land
"Anything important is never left to the vote of the people. We only get to vote on some man; we never get to vote on what he is to do."
People
"I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts."
Government
"Even though you are on the right track - you will get run over if you just sit there."
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