"Kools and Newports were for black people and lower-class whites. Camels were for procrastinators, those who wrote bad poetry, and those who put off writing bad poetry. Merits were for sex addicts, Salems were for alcoholics, and Mores were for people who considered themselves to be outrageous but really weren't."

Satire, Humor, Class, Culture

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"Kools and Newports were for black people and lower-class whites. Camels were for procrastinators, those who wrote bad poetry, and those who put off writing bad poetry. Merits were for sex addicts, Salems were for alcoholics, and Mores were for people who considered themselves to be outrageous but really weren't."

Exlpore more Satire quotes

"Fella says today, 'Depression is over. I seen a jackrabbit, an' they wasn't nobody after him.' An' another fella says, 'That aint the reason. Can't afford to kill jackrabbits no more. Catch 'em and milk 'em an' turn 'em loose. One you seen prob'ly gone dry."

John Steinbeck, American Author

Satire, Depression, Poverty, Humor, Survival

"Does your guilty past catch up so fast with your age? You've been robbing hex nuts, cap nuts, lock nuts and wing nuts. No wonder you have turned into a greedy nut."

Angelica Hopes, Swiss Author

Satire, Guilt, Crime, Irony

"Lebanese freedom of speech : You get to say whatever you like as long as the authorities approve of it... Hilarious."

Ziad K. Abdelnour, Lebanese Author

Satire, Freedom, Speech, Authority, Irony

"Politics has got so expensive that it takes lots of money to even get beat with."

Will Rogers, American Actor

Satire, Politics, Money, Irony, Corruption

"The god's chosen beverage. Tremble before the horror of Diet Coke!"

Rick Riordan, American Novelist

Satire, Humor, Truth, Life, Happiness

"Or he'd watch the news: more plagues, more famines, more floods, more insect or microbe or small-mammal outbreaks, more droughts, more chickenshit boy-soldier wars in distant countries. Why was everything so much like itself?"

Margaret Atwood, Canadian Novelist

Satire, News, Despair, Disaster, War

"Smile for the camera, pretty little Sydney Tar Ponds."

Rebecca McNutt, Canadian Author

Satire, Irony, Image, Media, Humor

"All men are fools, if truth be told, but the ones in motley are more amusing than ones with crowns."

George R. R. Martin, American Author

Satire, Truth, Humor, Irony, Men

"They wouldn't even lift a finger to save their own grandmothers from the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal without orders signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public inquiry, lost again, and finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as firelighters."

Douglas Adams, English Writer

Satire, Bureaucracy, Humor, Order, Chaos

"After having so nobly disentangled themselves from the shackles of Parental Authority, by a Clandestine Marriage, they were determined never to forfeit the good opinion they had gained in the World, in so doing, by accepting any proposals of reconciliation that might be offered them by their Fathers, to their farther trial of their noble independence however they never were exposed."

Jane Austen, British Writer

Satire, Marriage, Rebellion, Independence, Family

Explore more quotes by David Sedaris

"I realized I was a teacher when I felt warm during class and got up to open the door. Later on there was noise in the hallway, so I got up and shut it. Students can't open and close the door whenever they feel like it."

Teaching

"My first semester I had only nine students. Hoping they might view me as professional and well prepared, I arrived bearing name tags fashioned in the shape of maple leaves."

Education

"If you are any kind of an artist, then validation can be a result, but you're going to do the work anyway. Because you're just wired that way. It's so engrained, it's such a part of your personality that you don't just stop doing it."

Passion

"I like the trail that the Internet created. For example, I was watching one of those Douglas Sirk movies, and I noticed that Rock Hudson towered over everyone, and I typed in 'How tall was' and I saw 'How tall was Jesus,' and I'm like, 'Sure,' and half an hour later you're somewhere you didn't expect to be. It doesn't work that same way in books, does it? Even if you have an encyclopedia, the trail isn't that crazy. I like that aspect of it."

Technology

"People are often frightened of Parisians, but an American in Paris will find no harsher critic than another American."

Society

"I'd think it strange that the boardinghouse attracted both him and me, but that's what cheap places do -- draw in people with no money. An apartment of my own was unthinkable at that time of my life, and even if I'd found an affordable one it wouldn't have satisfied my fundamental need to live in a communal past, or what I imagined the past to be like: a world full of antiques."

Environment

"My hands tend to be full enough dealing with people who hate me for who I am. Concentrate too hard on the millions of people who hate you for what you are and you're likely to turn into one of those unkempt, sloppy dressers who sag beneath the weight of the two hundred political buttons they wear pinned to their coats and knapsacks."

Identity

"Nobody likes having a problem, but having a convoluted, bureaucratic one is even more galling."

Bureaucracy

"It's safe to assume that by 2085 guns will be sold in vending machines but you won't be able to smoke anywhere in America."

Prediction

"The houses looked like something a child might draw, a row of shaky squares with triangles on top. Add a door, add two windows. Think of putting a tree in the front yard, and then decide against it because branches aren't worth the trouble."

Creativity