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"The difficulty with humourists is that they will mix what they believe with what they don't whichever seems likelier to win an effect."
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"NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi."

"Hurry, your imaginary heaven is calling you up, my dear holier-than-thou religious nuts."

"And his computer's spell-check always forces him to capitalize the word "Internet". Come on; World War Two earned it's capitalization. The Internet just sucks human beings away from reality."

"Logically enough, the office and the nunnery have been singularly popular in the imaginations of pornographers. We should not be surprised to learn that the erotic novels of the early modern period were overwhelmingly focused on debauchery and flagellation amongst clergy in vespers and chapels, just as contemporary Internet pornography is inordinately concerned with fellatios and sodomies performed by office workers against a backdrop of work stations and computer equipment."
Explore more quotes by John Updike

"Existence itself does not feel horrible; it feels like an ecstasy, rather, which we have only to be still to experience."

"There is no doubt that I have lots of words inside me; but at moments, like rush-hour traffic at the mouth of a tunnel, they jam."

"Every marriage tends to consist of an aristocrat and a peasant. Of a teacher and a learner."

"But it is just two lovers, holding hands and in a hurry to reach their car, their locked hands a starfish leaping through the dark."

"A narrative is like a room on whose walls a number of false doors have been painted; while within the narrative, we have many apparent choices of exit, but when the author leads us to one particular door, we know it is the right one because it opens."

"Wickedness was like food: once you got started it was hard to stop, the gut expanded to take in more and more."
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