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"This nation is like all the others that have been spewed upon the earth - ready to shout for any cause that will tickle its vanity or fill its pocket. What a hell of a heaven it will be when they get all these hypocrites assembled there!"
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"NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi."

"Hurry, your imaginary heaven is calling you up, my dear holier-than-thou religious nuts."

"And his computer's spell-check always forces him to capitalize the word "Internet". Come on; World War Two earned it's capitalization. The Internet just sucks human beings away from reality."

"Logically enough, the office and the nunnery have been singularly popular in the imaginations of pornographers. We should not be surprised to learn that the erotic novels of the early modern period were overwhelmingly focused on debauchery and flagellation amongst clergy in vespers and chapels, just as contemporary Internet pornography is inordinately concerned with fellatios and sodomies performed by office workers against a backdrop of work stations and computer equipment."
Explore more quotes by Mark Twain

"The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little."

"Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it."

"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare."
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