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"This nation is like all the others that have been spewed upon the earth - ready to shout for any cause that will tickle its vanity or fill its pocket. What a hell of a heaven it will be when they get all these hypocrites assembled there!"
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"Fella says today, 'Depression is over. I seen a jackrabbit, an' they wasn't nobody after him.' An' another fella says, 'That aint the reason. Can't afford to kill jackrabbits no more. Catch 'em and milk 'em an' turn 'em loose. One you seen prob'ly gone dry."

"The difficulty with humourists is that they will mix what they believe with what they don't whichever seems likelier to win an effect."

"We're roughage," Tyger said. "If we don't cause a little intestinal distress, no one knows we're there."

"Mr. McGregor's a nasty piece of work, isn't he? Quite the Darth Vader of children's literature."
Explore more quotes by Mark Twain

"Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And ain't that a big enough majority for any town?"

"The air up there in the clouds is very pure and fine, bracing and delicious. And why shouldn't it be?--it is the same the angels breathe."

"In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language."

"It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native criminal class except Congress."

"When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it."

"It's considered good sportsmanship not to pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling."
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