Quotes by Comedian | Beyond Motive 30/75

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Quotes by Comedian

"It was tumultuous, it was crazy, but I would not trade it for anything."

"It was tumultuous, it was crazy, but I would not trade it for anything."

Colin Quinn, American Comedian

38

"I don't devalue comedy as compared to drama. Not one bit."

"I don't devalue comedy as compared to drama. Not one bit."

Ben Stiller, American Comedian

38

"I say at this point, for different reasons, Bush and Hussein are both very threatening to world peace and to deny that is to be incredibly naive."

"I say at this point, for different reasons, Bush and Hussein are both very threatening to world peace and to deny that is to be incredibly naive."

Janeane Garofalo, American Comedian

38

"An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match."

"An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match."

Fred Allen, American Comedian

Life, Success, Actor, Popularity

38

"Being a funny person does an awful lot of things to you. You feel that you mustn't get serious with people. They don't expect it from you, and they don't want to see it. You're not entitled to be serious, you're a clown."

"Being a funny person does an awful lot of things to you. You feel that you mustn't get serious with people. They don't expect it from you, and they don't want to see it. You're not entitled to be serious, you're a clown."

Fanny Brice, American Comedian

Funny, People, Being, Want

38

"If Shaw and Einstein couldn't beat death, what chance have I got? Practically none."

"If Shaw and Einstein couldn't beat death, what chance have I got? Practically none."

Mel Brooks, American Comedian

38

"We rest our case on the production numbers."

"We rest our case on the production numbers."

Mel Brooks, American Comedian

Numbers, Production, Rest

38

"I won't eat anything that has intelligent life, but I'd gladly eat a network executive or a politician."

"I won't eat anything that has intelligent life, but I'd gladly eat a network executive or a politician."

Marty Feldman, English Comedian

38

"Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime."

"Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime."

Red Skelton, American Comedian

38

"A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated."

"A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated."

Robert Benchley, American Comedian

38

"Whenever I date a guy, I think, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'"

"Whenever I date a guy, I think, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'"

Rita Rudner, American Comedian

Children, Man, Want

38

"When the first big paycheque with 'Dumb And Dumber' hit, I went: 'Gosh, I wonder if this will affect my performance. Will I do a take and think, was that worth $7 million?' But that never happened. If anything, it made me rebel against that thing when people who get rich start playing it safe."

"When the first big paycheque with 'Dumb And Dumber' hit, I went: 'Gosh, I wonder if this will affect my performance. Will I do a take and think, was that worth $7 million?' But that never happened. If anything, it made me rebel against that thing when people who get rich start playing it safe."

Jim Carrey, Canadian Comedian

People, Performance, First, Will

38

"We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up."

"We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up."

Phyllis Diller, American Comedian

Children, First, Months, Talk

38

"Having been an actor and a writer for so long - 20 years or so - I felt that it would be daft to go to one's grave without having directed. It's a natural extension of writing and acting, and so I knew it would happen one day."

"Having been an actor and a writer for so long - 20 years or so - I felt that it would be daft to go to one's grave without having directed. It's a natural extension of writing and acting, and so I knew it would happen one day."

Stephen Fry, British Comedian

Acting, Actor, Day, Grave

38

"Al Jazeera aired a new tape of Osama bin Laden. It was the usual stuff, he called Bush evil, the Great Satan, called him a war monger. Basically, the same thing you heard at last night's Democratic debate."

"Al Jazeera aired a new tape of Osama bin Laden. It was the usual stuff, he called Bush evil, the Great Satan, called him a war monger. Basically, the same thing you heard at last night's Democratic debate."

Jay Leno, American Comedian

War, Debate, Evil, Night

38

"Our principles are the springs of our actions. Our actions, the springs of our happiness or misery. Too much care, therefore, cannot be taken in forming our principles."

"Our principles are the springs of our actions. Our actions, the springs of our happiness or misery. Too much care, therefore, cannot be taken in forming our principles."

Red Skelton, American Comedian

Happiness, Actions, Care, Misery

38

"Leno, Conan. They are both really funny. They really know how to land one."

"Leno, Conan. They are both really funny. They really know how to land one."

Jimmy Fallon, American Comedian

38

"At fifteen one is first beginning to realize that everything isn't money and power in this world, and is casting about for joys that do not turn to dross in one's hands."

"At fifteen one is first beginning to realize that everything isn't money and power in this world, and is casting about for joys that do not turn to dross in one's hands."

Robert Benchley, American Comedian

Money, Power, Beginning, First

38

"I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but all I can say is: when I go, they go too."

"I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but all I can say is: when I go, they go too."

Jack Benny, American Comedian

38

"If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas."

"If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas."

Henny Youngman, American Comedian

38

"A lot of good love can happen in ten years."

"A lot of good love can happen in ten years."

Jim Carrey, Canadian Comedian

38

"And then before going back for my sophomore year, I decided to change my major to arts and sciences, and my dad cut a deal with me: He said if I'd quit school he'd pay my rent for the next three years, as if I were in school."

"And then before going back for my sophomore year, I decided to change my major to arts and sciences, and my dad cut a deal with me: He said if I'd quit school he'd pay my rent for the next three years, as if I were in school."

Sarah Silverman, American Comedian

Change, Dad, School, Years

38

"I like to think of myself at home in the armchair, writing, smoking and occasionally wandering down the shop."

"I like to think of myself at home in the armchair, writing, smoking and occasionally wandering down the shop."

Stephen Fry, British Comedian

Home, Smoking, Writing

38

"Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility."

"Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility."

James Thurber, American Comedian

Humor, Chaos, Tranquility

38

"The message of the movie is to accept who you are and not to succumb to the pressure of what the media tells you is beautiful and what you should be looking like."

"The message of the movie is to accept who you are and not to succumb to the pressure of what the media tells you is beautiful and what you should be looking like."

Mike Myers, Canadian Comedian

Media, Pressure

38

"You're not famous until my mother has heard of you."

"You're not famous until my mother has heard of you."

Jay Leno, American Comedian

38

"My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family."

"My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family."

Jeff Foxworthy, American Comedian

Family, Wife, Effort, Feeling

38

"If you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold coins."

"If you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold coins."

Patton Oswalt, American Comedian

38

"I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I've got four more summers with her. I'm not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie."

"I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I've got four more summers with her. I'm not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie."

Jeff Foxworthy, American Comedian

Daughter, Giving, Silly, Summer

38

"This business is all about being seen, and the more people see you the better."

"This business is all about being seen, and the more people see you the better."

Debra Wilson, American Comedian

Business, People, Being

38

"I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally."

"I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally."

W. C. Fields, American Comedian

38

"What kind of morons do you have working at newspapers in Austin that would base an entire review of an artist's performance on whether or not they had a good seat?"

"What kind of morons do you have working at newspapers in Austin that would base an entire review of an artist's performance on whether or not they had a good seat?"

Al Yankovic, American Comedian

Performance, Artist, Newspapers

38

"These men both publicly and privately have done so much for me. Without Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick I would be living in a little motel just around the corner here, trying to make ends meet."

"These men both publicly and privately have done so much for me. Without Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick I would be living in a little motel just around the corner here, trying to make ends meet."

Mel Brooks, American Comedian

Men, Living, Trying

38

"I used to draw a lot. If my mother would ask me to do something else, I'd have a hairy conniption. I'd just go crazy."

"I used to draw a lot. If my mother would ask me to do something else, I'd have a hairy conniption. I'd just go crazy."

Jim Carrey, Canadian Comedian

38

"Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got."

"Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got."

Josh Billings, American Comedian

38

"The weather here is gorgeous. It's mild and feels like it's in the eighties. The hot dog vendors got confused because of the weather and thought it was spring, so they accidentally changed the hot dog water in their carts."

"The weather here is gorgeous. It's mild and feels like it's in the eighties. The hot dog vendors got confused because of the weather and thought it was spring, so they accidentally changed the hot dog water in their carts."

David Letterman, American Comedian

Thought, Spring, Water, Weather

38

"You always think you're better than you are in the beginning."

"You always think you're better than you are in the beginning."

Todd Barry, American Comedian

38

"I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days."

"I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days."

Billy Connolly, Scottish Comedian

38

"Comedians are never really on vacation because you're always at attention... that antenna is always out there."

"Comedians are never really on vacation because you're always at attention... that antenna is always out there."

Bob Newhart, American Comedian

Attention, Comedians, Vacation

38

"Do you know it was a year a ago today?"

"Do you know it was a year a ago today?"

Jay London, American Comedian

38

"I'm not really a heavy smoker any more. I only get through two lighters a day now."

"I'm not really a heavy smoker any more. I only get through two lighters a day now."

Bill Hicks, American Comedian

38

"Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil."

"Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil."

W. C. Fields, American Comedian

Actor, HusbActor, Devil

38

"Here's the thing about Apple, we complain and they give us more battery life. We complain and they'll give us more stuff. Everything's beta right now. Everything's experimental. They really don't know what people want."

"Here's the thing about Apple, we complain and they give us more battery life. We complain and they'll give us more stuff. Everything's beta right now. Everything's experimental. They really don't know what people want."

Sinbad, American Comedian

Life, People, Now, Right

38

"My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality."

"My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality."

Jay London, American Comedian

Girlfriend, Personality

38

"The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept."

"The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept."

George Carlin, American Comedian

Answers, Reason, Talk

38

"His death was the first time that Ed Wynn ever made anyone sad."

"His death was the first time that Ed Wynn ever made anyone sad."

Red Skelton, American Comedian

Death, Time, First

38

"I really want to love somebody. I do. I just don't know if it's possible forever and ever."

"I really want to love somebody. I do. I just don't know if it's possible forever and ever."

Jim Carrey, Canadian Comedian

38

"For ten years Caesar ruled with an iron hand. Then with a wooden foot, and finally with a piece of string."

"For ten years Caesar ruled with an iron hand. Then with a wooden foot, and finally with a piece of string."

Spike Milligan, Irish Comedian

38

"I did some acting in high school, I knew I really liked it."

"I did some acting in high school, I knew I really liked it."

Rachel Dratch, American Comedian

38

"Personally, I'd never seen a graphic novel. I knew they existed because friends of mine like Jonathan Ross collect them and some very literate and intelligent people really rate the graphic novel as a form."

"Personally, I'd never seen a graphic novel. I knew they existed because friends of mine like Jonathan Ross collect them and some very literate and intelligent people really rate the graphic novel as a form."

Stephen Fry, British Comedian

People, Friends

38

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