"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life."

Life, Money, Being, Day

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"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life."

Explore more quotes by Emo Philips

"I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him."

Gay,

"I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'"

Father, Girlfriend

"At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote."

First,

"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life."

Life, Money, Being, Day

"People always ask me, "Where were you when Kennedy was shot?" Well, I don't have an alibi."

People,

"Well, my brother says Hello. So, hooray for speech therapy."

Brother, Speech, Therapy

Exlpore more Life quotes

"Will a loving God send a man to hell? The answer from Jesus and His teachings of the Bible is, clearly, “Yes!” He does not send man willingly, but man condemns himself to eternal hell because . . .he refuses God's way of salvation and the hope of eternal life with Him."

Billy Graham, American Clergyman

Life, Hell, Optimism, Hope, Send

"The condition you're in at this moment is the product of your previous thoughts, to change your condition, change your thoughts."

Debasish Mridha, American Author

Personal Development

"Instead of clinging to the only Lifeboat that can save, we have tossed overboard biblical truths in the name of [compromise], living on the edge of life, like the man who rides the parameter of a hurricane, daring it to sweep him away."

Billy Graham, American Clergyman

Life, Instead, Clinging, Truth, Honesty

"There's one thing you can say for air pollution, you get utterly amazing sunrises."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Life, Today, Happiness, Inspirational, Truth

"There is always a path to our target, the problem is to discover it!"

Mehmet Murat ildan, Turkish Philosopher

Life, Path, Truth, Discovery

"Things past redress are now with me past care."

William Shakespeare, English Dramatist

Life, Regret, Truth, Wisdom

"Some parts of life are lived in the shadows where the only sunlight you feel is the light you pray for."

Richelle E. Goodrich, American Poet

Life, Regret, Truth, Power, Today

"Hate is hostility."

Lailah Gifty Akita, Ghanaian Author

Life, Hate, Hostility, Heart

"Money isn't the solution to your problems. It only lets you carry your unhappiness around in style."

Shannon L. Alder, American Author

Life, Money, Problems, Unhappiness, Style

"Collect memories, they are your precious property."

Debasish Mridha, American Author

Life, Memories, Property, Precious

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Explore more quotes by Emo Philips

"I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him."

"I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'"

"At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote."

"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life."

"My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing."

"He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites."

"I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy."

"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing."

"People always ask me, "Where were you when Kennedy was shot?" Well, I don't have an alibi."

"Well, my brother says Hello. So, hooray for speech therapy."

Exlpore more Life quotes

"Will a loving God send a man to hell? The answer from Jesus and His teachings of the Bible is, clearly, “Yes!” He does not send man willingly, but man condemns himself to eternal hell because . . .he refuses God's way of salvation and the hope of eternal life with Him."

"The condition you're in at this moment is the product of your previous thoughts, to change your condition, change your thoughts."

Personal Development

"Instead of clinging to the only Lifeboat that can save, we have tossed overboard biblical truths in the name of [compromise], living on the edge of life, like the man who rides the parameter of a hurricane, daring it to sweep him away."

"There's one thing you can say for air pollution, you get utterly amazing sunrises."

"There is always a path to our target, the problem is to discover it!"

"Things past redress are now with me past care."

"Some parts of life are lived in the shadows where the only sunlight you feel is the light you pray for."

"Hate is hostility."

"Money isn't the solution to your problems. It only lets you carry your unhappiness around in style."

"Collect memories, they are your precious property."