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"If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?"
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"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."
Car

"My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant."
Friendship

"I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it."
Time

"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing."
Now

"I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car."
Car

"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."
People

"There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators."
Power

"Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it."
Press

"I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side."
Future

"I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose."
Purpose
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"If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?"
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Personal Development
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