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Steven Wright

"If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?"

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"If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?"

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Donna Grant

"If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?"

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Personal Development

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Steven Wright
"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing."

Now

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Steven Wright
"There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators."

Power

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Steven Wright
"In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number."

Argument

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Steven Wright
"If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?"

Rest

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Steven Wright
"Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it."

Press

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Steven Wright
"Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?"

Washington

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Steven Wright
"Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen."

Ocean

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Steven Wright
"When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said "No, I made a few mistakes.""

Girlfriend

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Steven Wright
"I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it."

Time

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Steven Wright
"I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out."

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